Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You
by DevilsDaughter8
Summary: My take on the rest of the season. Rayna takes the stage at the Grand Ole Opry, four months after Deacon's big revelation, to sing a song she's written for him and celebrate the life of the love of her life. Deyna through and through. Rayna's POV. Maddie, Daphne, Scarlett, Teddy, Juliette and baby Javery will all make appearances at some point. Might contain spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, everyone! Can't believe this is finally seeing the light of day. This hiatus has been long and quite inspiring (SHE SLAPPED HIM PEOPLE, SHE SLAPPED HIM!). I spent weeks on this...I can't even describe how good it feels to finally give birth to this baby. Lol  
This story revolves around Deacon and Rayna's lives in the aftermath of the revelation of his cancer and how his illness will affect their lives and the lives of those around them as well. It will be divided in two long (very very long) chapters because I am terrible at writing multi-chapters (I usually get bored or lose inspiration or whatever) and most of all because I feel like it would take the tension away and distract the reader if I split it into four or five chapters. Not to mention I enjoy reading lengthy stuff rather than short pieces, so I'd advise to have some coffee at the ready for this. lol  
Different characters will make appearances along the way, but keep in mind Rayna and Deacon are the main focus here.  
I must thank my boo, my twin for life, SparklingEnchantress for taking the time to beta-read this and giving me a piece of her mind. Your help was precious and I'm not sure I could have done this without your never-ending support and encouragement. Just….thank you.  
Fair warning: I've read spoilers and speculations concerning the last six episodes of the season and I did include them in this story (along with a whole lot of wishful thinking), so if you have spoiler phobia, I'd suggest to save this for later.  
Any similarities to other Deyna stories are completely unintended and all praise belongs to their respective authors.  
Enjoy!**

Pam Tillis announces her on stage and the audience has to do a double take to recognize Rayna Jaymes when steps into the limelight. Her definitely slender frame isn't wrapped in fancy clothes or sparkly jewelry, no high heels are adorning her feet, her luscious hair is wrapped into a messy bun and if she's wearing any makeup at all is hard to tell. She doesn't strut on stage proud and confident as usual, her head is down and she feebly raises a hand to acknowledge the crowd. Her close-up appears on the big screen behind her as she sits down behind the piano; half the people in the room could have sworn that this is the ghost of the woman who, just a few months back, was celebrating the ten year anniversary of being inducted into the Opry family on that very same stage. The bright spotlight shining down on her seems to be making her bloodshot eyes burn, consumed by what could only be described as days of incessant crying or weeks of zero sleep. Another applause erupts, encouraging her on. She closes her eyes and takes a big breath as the clapping slowly comes to a halt.

"Thank you," her trembling voice speaks into the microphone. "I can't possibly tell you how much your prayers and well wishes meant to me and my family. We really do appreciate it." It seems like her mouth is dry and her tongue heavy, like she's swallowed sand.

Many wonder why she's even there, whose idea it was to literally put her on the spot like that after all she's gone through recently. It had been all over the news: the liver failure, the induced coma, the last minute transplant…it had kept half the Country with bated breath for days on end.

"As you can imagine being on this stage tonight is not easy for me, but the opry family is our second family and in times like these you want to be surrounded by family." Rayna exhales loudly and looks up, blinking repeatedly to prevent tears from spilling over.

"The song I'm about to sing is very near and dear to my heart, it was never recorded or shared with anyone really, this is its long overdue debut," she chuckles a little, lighting up an otherwise incredibly sad mood.

"I'm not the greatest pianist, so I apologize in advance, but when I first wrote this song I was a guitar player short and well…I'm a guitar player short tonight too," She swallows the lump in her throat and looks down to the black and white keys as she dabs at the corner of her eye with her knuckle. Another warm applause comes from the nosebleeds and expands through the whole room.

A few moments later she apologizes to the audience "I'm sorry" - She carries on - "Anyhow, this song is called _Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You_."

Carefully she positions her hands on the keys and then brings her mouth closer to the microphone again and looking up to the roof of the historic building says, "Babe, I know you're listening tonight and I just want you to know…this one is for you. I love you."

_Has anyone ever written anything for you_

**Four months earlier…**

Deacon held Rayna tight against his chest until her sobs subsided and her breathing went back to normal. She clang to him, her hands wrapping around the soft material of his shirt in two fists. Leaning his cheek against her silky hair, he kissed her head a number of times trying to soothe her. When she finally untangled from him, their eyes met and before she knew it, tears were already streaming down her face again. He walked her to the couch and gently took her jacket off, he then wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and returned five minutes later with a fuming cup of tea. They hadn't talked much after that, Deacon spent the rest of the morning outside cutting firewood and putting it into perfectly squared piles. Rayna was left alone with her solitary misery, battling demons she thought they'd defeated.

A couple hours later Rayna gingerly walked towards him, "Can we talk?" She asked wrapping her jacket tighter around her body when the soft breeze blowing from the lake made her shiver.

"Kind of busy over here."

"You're avoiding me. Again." Deacon positioned another piece of wood on the ground and chopped it into two with his hatchet. And then another. And one more.

Another minute passed and he was still ignoring her. "For Pete's sake Deacon!" Bellowed Rayna, her patience finally wearing thin, "You just dropped a bomb on me, do you even realize that? We need to talk about this, I have so many questions I need to ask."

"I've already told you all there is to know Rayna. There's really nothing more to it." He didn't dare to look her in the eyes as he gathered a few logs in his arms and walked back to the new pile he was putting together.

"How long have you known? Who's your doctor? Are you on some medication? Does your insurance cover for all of-"

"-Jesus Christ Rayna! Leave me alone, okay?" He shouted throwing the last log in his hand at the nearest wall.

"No, I won't. I want to understand, I need to know more, my head is about to explode over here!" It was a yelling match now and she was surely winning.

"All you need to know is that I'm sick and probably won't be around for much longer. So you better let go of me now."

"No," Rayna's lip started to quiver as tears welled up behind her eyes. "You said we had time. You said I could take all the time I needed. Did you know then? I thought we had time, Deacon."

"I'm sorry," was all he could offer, still looking down to his feet.

"So you did know." She breathed out, feeling like she was taking a blow to her face.

"Yeah."

"You said I could take all the time I needed," the words left her mouth in a whisper as warm tears spilled down her cheeks.

"What was I supposed to tell you, honestly?" Deacon's face crumpled when he mustered enough courage to finally look her in the eyes, fresh tears forming at the corner of his own eyes.

"That we didn't have time. That you might die soon and leave me forever!" She fell to the ground sobbing hysterically into her hands. She felt betrayed, she felt lost, but most of all she felt powerless. "You were supposed to tell me we didn't have time."

"I'm sorry," with three long strides Deacon was at her side, folding her in his arms, "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you come to me? Why did you keep it to yourself?"

"I don't want to be a burden to you or anybody else. This is my battle, not yours."

"Your battle?" She shook him off and stood up, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

"Rayna..."

"This is not your battle, this is my battle too." She was outraged, almost offended by his words, her chest heaved as she struggled to control her breathing. "You are the love of my life, you are my best friend, you are the father of my daughter Deacon. This is not just your battle, this is my battle too because if you lose, I lose three times as much."

They stared at each other for a long moment, tears freely falling on both their faces, her words lingering in the air between them as the silence engulfing them became the loudest sound any of them had ever heard.

"I don't want you to see me die Ray," Deacon finally said, "If I can spare you that, I will."

"Don't say it, don't even think it," she shook her head and closed her eyes. Her head was pounding, she could just not believe this was happening to them. Not now. Not after everything they'd gone through.

"It's the goddamn truth. I can't and I won't make this any harder on you than necessary." Closing the gap between them Deacon gently brushed away her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"If push comes to shove I'll be devastated whether I was there for you every step of the way or I wasn't," Rayna stifled a sob as the thought of losing him for good seeped into her head. Instinctively she threw her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. She felt his left arm wrap around her lower back as he cradled her head in his right hand.

Being there, in the safety of his strong arms, made her even angrier. This was just not fair. They'd paid their dues, both of them. They'd spent fifteen years apart, he was sober, she'd told him about Maddie, they had a clean slate of sorts now. Her body was being shaken by a relentless series of sobs, she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore, it was all too much.

"You've already spent the best years of your life taking care of my drunk ass," she could feel his hot breath in her ear as he brokenly whispered those few words.

"No," she leaned back and took his face in her hands, bringing his forehead against hers, "The best years of my life - of our life - are ahead of us not behind us. Don't take them away from me."

"Rayna, don't make this harder than it already is, I beg of you," He pleaded gently wrapping his own hands around her wrists.

"Last night…we didn't sing our last song. Don't act like we've sung our last song Deacon," lifting her face up she pierced him with her now puffy blue eyes.

"I..."

"We haven't sung our last song, do you hear me?" She leaned in and ever so slightly touched his lips with hers. "We haven't sung our last song," she mumbled against his lips before capturing them again in a kiss that for a moment wiped away the fears, the tears and every goddamn fate's jeer.

The afternoon went on uneventful, the two shared a quick lunch in relative silence and skirted across conversation topics, carefully avoiding the elephant in the room. Deacon resumed his wood chopping activity later on as Rayna divided her time between cleaning up the kitchen and drowning into the hundreds of memories that came with that particular territory. They gave each other space, a little time to wrap their heads around all of this, to let it all sink in. As the sun was starting to set on that cold winter day, Rayna stepped out of the house and joined Deacon on the porch steps holding two mugs in her hands.

"Tea?"

"Thank you," Deacon he said taking the mug from her hands. His fingers lingered a little longer than necessary on hers and she suddenly felt all her muscles relax, like he had untied the knot that her gut had previously twisted into.

"I've always loved this place," It wasn't a confession or a big statement, but she felt like she needed to say it anyway.

"Yeah," he concurred sipping his tea.

"However painful it is to come back here because of the history attached to it, it's still my safe haven, you know." She took his free hand in hers and lightly started brushing her thumb against the back of it. A little reassurance that he was indeed right and yes, she wasn't just talking about the cabin.

"I want to tell Maddie," Deacon said looking out to the water, gently squeezing her hand.

"We'll do it together," Rayna nodded taking in his profile. He didn't look sick, she couldn't help but notice, he looked as handsome as ever and more than anything he looked sober, clean and he had been so for the past fifteen years.

"We've been through so much, we'll get through this too. I just know it."

He sighed overwhelmed, "How?"

"I don't know how, but this I know babe…you and me? We can make the impossible possible." He turned his head and a smile slid across his face when his eyes set on her. Rayna softly smiled back at him and then snuggled closer to him and gently rested her head on his shoulder. They silently watched the sun set, hands firmly clasped together.

_In all your darkest hours_

_Have you ever heard me sing_

_Listen to me now_

"Deacon!" Daphne squealed as soon as he walked through the backdoor and then crossed the kitchen running to him.

"Hey Daph," Deacon greeted her squeezing her tight against his side.

"Hey dad," Rayna watched as Maddie took off her headphones and slowly walked towards him.

"Come here you," he wrapped his free arm around his daughter and kissed her forehead.

"It's so good to see you, where have you been?"

"Just up to my cabin for a couple of days."

Deacon and Rayna exchanged a quick look and both took a deep breath. "Girls, Deacon and I have something to tell you."

They had decided they would tell both girls, there was no point in keeping Daphne in the dark and Rayna knew Maddie could have used her little sister's support. Before Rayna's return to Nashville they'd studied a plan of action: they'd both agreed they would go as little as possible into details, careful not to sugarcoat it too much but also determined not to paint a grim picture of his condition.

"Oh my Gosh, you're back together, aren't you?" Daphne's eyes lit up and a megawatt smile appeared on her face as she tugged at Deacon's arm jumping up and down.

"Of course they are silly," Her sister countered wrapping her arm tighter around her father's chest.

"Can we just all sit over there?" Rayna said motioning with her hand for them to follow her to the living room.

Maddie untangled herself from her dad's firm grasp, "Is everything all right? I'm getting a weird vibe here." She studied her mother's face as she cagily sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, what's going on? You're not back together?" Daphne echoed her sister's worried tone and plopped down on the couch next to her.

"This is not about your mom and I as a couple," he explained sitting down on the armrest on Rayna's left.

"Well, it kind of is," Rayna interjected locking eyes with him, her hand promptly reaching for his. "But this…yes, this is mainly about Deacon."

"I don't understand," Maddie said looking from her dad to her mom and back.

"Not too long ago I was diagnosed with cancer, liver cancer to be exact." Rayna closed her eyes as the words left his mouth, she'd told herself she would be strong for her daughters and would be there to offer them her unconditional support in that delicate moment, but the truth was she wasn't ready for the look on their faces. She wasn't ready at all.

"Cancer?" Her oldest asked flabbergasted.

"Yes, sweetie," he said with a nod.

"We saw _The Fault In Our Stars_ last summer…this is not good, right?" Daphne looked at Maddie and then at Rayna with eyes wide open.

"Well Deacon is sick, so that part is certainly not good," Rayna's voice was soft and calm. It was almost like she was having an out-of-body experience, because that couldn't have been further from how she felt inside.

"But dad is not going to die. It's treatable, right? He's going to get better, isn't he?" it was like the words were racing to get out of her mouth, chasing each other anxiously.

"You see…my liver is pretty beaten up. The only solution here is getting a new one."

"A new one? As in a transplant?" She asked fixing her father with a terrified look.

"Yeah."

Daphne looked up at her big sister and asked "What does that mean?" she then turned to Rayna, "How do you get a new one?"

"From another person sweetheart. It could be a dead person or a living person. They replace the sick portion of Deacon's liver with another person's healthy liver." Rayna tried to explain as clearly as she could, hoping they wouldn't ask any further questions.

"When are they doing the surgery?"

"There's no time frame for that. I'm on a waiting list," Deacon replied to Maddie whose hands - her mother noticed - were now visibly shaking in her lap.

"Waiting list?"

"Yes," Deacon looked down to Daphne. "There are waiting lists for transplants. They basically give you a score, sort of like school grades, based on how urgently you need a transplant."

"And how urgently do you need one?" Rayna tore her eyes away from Maddie, this was getting harder and harder by the minute.

"I'm not at the top of their list if that's what you're asking."

"So it's not that bad," the light of hope that sparkled in their daughter's eyes broke Rayna's heart into a million pieces. She took in a shaky breath and looked away again.

Deacon noticed her distress and laced his fingers through hers, strongly squeezed Rayna's hand. "No, sweetheart, it just means it's not that bad…yet."

"So what now? Are you taking medications? What do you have to do?"

"I am on some medication yes, but there's not much I can do sweetie, except waiting and trying to stay as healthy as possible, I suppose."

"What if you don't get a new liver?" And then just like that, the most dreaded question of all was asked and it was like a punch to Rayna's gut.

"He will get it," She said firmly, without missing a beat.

"Rayna," Deacon admonished her.

They had agreed they would be as forthcoming as they could with the girls, he didn't want to hide the truth and Rayna had initially concurred with him. But now that those big brown eyes were boring through her, she couldn't help the motherly instinct she felt to protect her little girl from something that would surely wreck her world down in grains of sand.

"What if you don't get a new liver dad?"

"If I don't get a transplant within the next six months or so…" Deacon sighed heavily and Rayna nodded encouragingly at him when he searched for her eyes. "I will die," he said at last.

"You will die," Maddie repeated trying to take it all in.

"Oh my God," Daphne brought both her hands to her mouth muffling a gasp.

"You've known this for a while, haven't you? You lied to me."

"No honey, listen please," Deacon rocked himself forward to take Maddie's hand in his, "Nobody knew beside Scarlett. I told your mom-"

"-So she knew," She turned to her mother. "How long have you known, huh?"

"Your dad told me just last week, I-"

"-You kept it from me!" Maddie got up from the couch slapping her dad's hand off her thigh with the back of hers. "I thought you were different, but nope…you're just like her."

"Maddie sweetheart, Deacon wasn't ready to tell us about this, you need to understand this was a-"

"-Is that why you didn't want to see me?" her voice cracked, "Is that why you didn't answer my calls and texts for days and days?" Rayna never felt more helpless than when she saw tears falling from her daughter's eyes.

"I was just trying to-"

"-Don't say to protect me because you're dying and there's no way you can protect me from that."

"He is not dying," the words left Rayna's mouth before she could even formulate the thought. He was not dying, she wasn't even contemplating that option.

"He just said it himself!" Maddie cried exasperated before falling down onto the couch again, bawling.

"What he said is-"

"-Why is this happening?" Daphne interjected, "I don't understand. He doesn't look sick to me."

"Because he was a drunk," came her sister's reply. "Isn't that the reason why you got sick? You brought it on yourself."

"Maddie!" she gaped at her daughter, wondering if it was her words or the look on her face that took the air from her lungs.

"I wish I never found out you were my real dad," she spit out brushing the tears that kept coming down her eyes.

"Maddie, please calm down," she pleaded with her daughter reaching out for her.

Maddie jumped up, "Calm down? My father could be dead in six months! I didn't get to spend enough time with him. And do you want to know whose fault this is?" she looked right in her mother's eyes, "Yours mom. Yours and yours only!"

Deacon then got up on his feet and stepped closer to her to engulf her in his arms, "Maddie come on now. Don't be like this."

"You ruined my life!" She pushed him away with all her strength. "Both of you!" she shouted before storming off.

"Maddie," Rayna called after her. Her head was spinning, she wanted nothing more than to take that pain away, from all of them, but she didn't know how.

She heard Deacon softly whisper "Come here sweetie," and then saw her youngest quietly sobbing into Deacon's arms.

"I don't want you to die Deacon," Daphne's words echoed in the room intermitted by sobs of despair. Rayna lifted her legs on her chair and hugged her knees to her chest, crying. She had a foreboding this was not going to go down well, but this was beyond her wildest imagination.

It took them an hour and half a dozen Oreos to calm Daphne down, but eventually the little girl stopped crying and reluctantly pried herself away from Deacon and went up to her room. The two adults sat at the opposite ends of the couch for a while, feeling like all the strength had been sucked out of their bodies. Taking turns, they each tried to get Maddie to talk or at least open the door to them, but didn't make any progress. Right before dinner time Deacon decided to leave, declining Rayna's invite to stay over, mentioning he wanted to make it to downtown in time for the 7pm AA meeting. She couldn't object to that and was somehow relieved that, in spite of everything, Deacon hadn't lost his faith and was still as committed to sobriety as ever. She couldn't lie to herself though, she would have wanted him to stay, spend the night even, fall asleep in his arms and forget about everything. She needed him there, with her and the girls, but Maddie's words hurt him and he needed some space, some time to process; she did get that. After promising him she would call him later to update him on the Maddie's situation, he kissed her temple and left.

Rayna had no idea how much time she'd spent sitting on the couch staring into space, but at one point she felt bare feet padding down the stairs and as she turned her head saw her beautiful daughter's tearstained face. Rayna held one arm out and Maddie jolted to the couch, crouched on her lap and let her mommy rock her back and forth. When her daughter's tiny frame was shaken by a muffled sob, Rayna came undone as well. They cried together for what felt like hours, holding onto each other as though they would completely fall apart if either of them let go.

Maddie sniffed drying her eyes. "Sorry I yelled," she said a while later.

"Is that all?"

"No," she sighed looking down, "I didn't mean what I said, I was just…"

"I know," Rayna tucked a loose strand of light brown hair behind her ear.

"Is this really happening? I can't believe it."

"I'm so sorry baby girl."

"This is just so unfair," she looked up blowing out air to keep the tears from coming down again.

"I know."

"I don't want to lose him mom," she confessed in a whisper tucking her head under her mom's chin again.

"I know, believe me, I do."

"How do you feel?"

"Like I was hit by a bus, pretty much."

"Yeah," she nodded sympathetically looking up at her, "Are you two still giving each other space or whatever?"

"I don't know," Rayna stroked her girl's hair, "I don't think so?"

"So, are you like...back together?"

"Honey, your father has terminal cancer, I'm not going to spend one minute away from him. I want to be there for him."

"Yes, but are you two a couple again?" if her daughter had one virtue, it surely was her tenacity, especially when the subject of the conversation were her and Deacon and their relationship status.

"I don't know where we stand right now, to be honest."

"But do you want to get back with him?" backing down, that the teenager wasn't ready to do just yet.

"Maddie," Rayna sighed tiredly, "does it make a difference what I want anymore?"

"I think it does," She said squeezing her mom in her arms one last time before getting up from the couch. "I'm going to call dad now."

"You do that," her words put a smile on her mom's face. She knew Deacon was probably waiting by the phone by then, he'd be so happy to hear directly from her.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"We won't lose him, will we?"

Rayna fell silent for a moment, searching for the right words. She didn't want to make empty promises, but she wanted to console her little girl nevertheless.

"Not if there's anything I can do about it," she said stubbornly.

_You know I'd rather be alone_

_Than be without you_

_Don't you know_

"Hey y'all!"

"Good morning," Deacon greeted her with one of those smiles of his that turned her knees to jelly and awoke the butterflies in her stomach.

"Morning mom," Maddie smiled just as widely as her dad, pouring orange juice into a tall glass for her sister.

"Mommy look!" Daphne jumped off the stool and made a beeline for her and then dragged her by the hand all the way to the stove where the tall dark haired man was standing, a dishcloth draped across one of his broad shoulders. "Deacon is making us breakfast!"

"I can see that," Rayna inadvertently licked her lips as she carefully watched him flip a pancake.

"He's making eggs and bacon and look!" Daphne pointed to the pan, careful not to get too close to it, "Chocolate chips pancakes! Chocolate chips pancakes!"

"Thank you," she stepped forward and leaned up on her tip toes, nonchalantly brushing her lips against his cheek.

"My pleasure," he smiled shaking his head, a slight shade of red covering his cheeks now.

"So dad and I talked," Maddie announced proudly.

"You did?" smugly Rayna winked at Deacon.

"Yeah, we had a little chat," he confirmed handing her a plate with two pancakes on it.

"I'm taking today off school."

"What?" Daphne, who was now sitting at the table ready to dive in, dropped her fork onto her plate with a clash, "Hey, what about me?"

"We're going guitar shopping," Maddie took her plate to the table and sat down.

"If that's okay with you," Deacon was quick to add, turning the stove off.

"Sure, go ahead," Rayna said sitting down at the table next to her youngest. The previous day had been rough on all of them, if Deacon and Maddie wanted some alone time, she surely wasn't going to stand in their way.

"Thank you mom," Maddie smiled appreciatively before digging into her eggs.

Daphne tapped her shoulder, "Can I go, mom?"

"You're not invited," her sister said with a full mouth.

"But-"

"-I'll tell you what," Deacon came to the rescue, "I'll come pick you up after school and we can go for an ice cream or something."

"Just the two of us?"

"If that's what you want, yes," he nodded reassuringly, "maybe we can ask your mom and sister to tag along?"

Daphne shook her head, "No. She doesn't want me to come with you guys, I don't want her to come with us."

"Gosh, you're such a baby!" Maddie wined scooping up the last of her eggs with her fork.

"Alright then, It's settled. I'll see you at four?"

"Yes!" her youngest's energy and good spirits were contagious and Rayna couldn't wipe that grin off her face today.

She wasn't expecting to wake up to Deacon making breakfast in her kitchen that morning, but she couldn't deny it was quite a pleasant surprise. They'd texted back and forth until well past midnight the previous night, but he had not mentioned planning to make pancakes in that clingy button down once, not once. They all had to have quite an appetite that morning as the other occupants of their table devoured the contents of their plates at the speed of light, whereas Rayna seemed to have woken up with an entirely different type of appetite.

Deacon lifted his head up from his plate and caught her staring, a smirk appeared on his face and she quickly looked away, focusing her attention on her daughters. "Okay girls, time to get ready."

Excusing themselves Daphne and Maddie scrambled to stand up and almost ran to get to the stairs before the other did. The two adults watched the scene wide-eyed unable to mask their amusement.

"Thanks again for breakfast," Rayna began to collect plates to bring them to the sink.

"Maddie and I needed to talk a little more," he shrugged getting up from the table as well.

"I'm glad you did."

A soft smile blossomed on his face, "Me too."

Again that smile, she could have sworn the temperature went up of at least five degrees every single time his lips curved upwards. Or maybe it was just her body temperature, she couldn't tell the difference anyways.

"So…" she began after they'd cleaned the table, "since you have dates with both my girls today, any chance I get you all to myself tonight?"

"You asking me out, Ray?" He smirked drily, his answer already etched into his features.

"Maybe," she replied shily, looking anywhere but at him.

"Then maybe I'm free," he chuckled, emitting her absolute favorite sound in the entire world.

The girls had spent the ride to the restaurant where they would have met Teddy for dinner chattering away, they were on a roll. Maddie couldn't stop talking about her new six-strings friend and how meticulous Deacon had been, going from store to store just to find the perfect guitar for his little girl. Daphne was all about the size of her ice-cream cone, it was huge apparently and Deacon had let her eat half of his too, she was high on sugar and then some. Rayna was half-listening to what they were saying because - truth be told - all she could think about was her dinner date with Deacon in a couple of hours. She didn't want to make a big deal out of it, it wasn't a real date...or was it? All she knew is that she was nervous and the last time she had felt this nervous she was sixteen and still had her cherry, as it were. She knew she was probably worrying over nothing, it was Deacon after all, if there was one man she could be herself with, it was him. And she was right, ten minutes into their sort-of-date and they'd fallen back into old patterns, laughing and enjoying the other's company as though time had never passed and deadly illnesses had never been discovered.

"Thank you for the amazing dinner Ray," Deacon said after dinner, wiping his hands off on a towel after drying off the last glass of the bunch.

"You're welcome," she smiled softly, beginning to put away the plates in the cupboard above the sink.

"Did you use my mom's chicken and dumplings recipe by any chance?"

"Yes, I did."

Rayna wanted to surprise him with a homecooked meal and whenever she needed a little help, she knew exactly where to find it: in the second drawer below the oven. That's where she kept the recipes book with all of Deacon's favorite dishes that his mom had personally written and given to her as a Christmas present, many many moons ago. She'd said she didn't want her son to live off canned food if she could help it and of course by that she meant teaching Rayna how to cook.

"I knew it," he grinned widely, "You made my mama proud, that's for sure."

"Thanks. Did you know it's Maddie's favorite dish too?"

"Really?"

"Like father like daughter," she told him, unable to hide that hint of pride that creeped into her voice.

"I guess so, yeah."

"She needs you, you know?" Her tone got serious.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that she needs you Deacon," She sighed, "She's got me and Teddy of course, but she doesn't need us nearly as much as she needs you. You get her. The two of you have this bond, I don't really know how to explain it, but you just get through to her. I don't understand her silences - I never have - but you do. You can read that solemn stare of hers. You know how to break through that wall she sometimes builds around herself." Deacon's eyes started sparkling with tears then and she felt a lump forming in her throat, "Don't shut her out again. Please."

"I won't, I never meant to cause her any pain. I'm sorry about that," he brushed the back of his hand against his cheek, wiping away a tear.

"I believe you," Rayna reached an hand out and wrapped her slender fingers around his bicep, giving it a squeeze.

"All I seem to be good at is hurting the ones I love. You, Maddie, Scarlett…Beverley."

"What does Beverley have to do with this now?"

"She's a match," he blurted out, as though the info was of public knowledge.

"What?" Rayna took a step back, her jaw set tight.

"She's a match. She could be my donor."

"Could be? It's not a hundred percent sure?" Forlorn hope rose into her chest.

"She kind of declined. She doesn't want to be my donor," she watched as his chest rose up and down heavily, like a weight had just been lifted off of it.

"Are you serious?"

"Now don't start getting all riled up darling," Deacon closed the gap between them. "I get why she doesn't want to do this, I really do."

"Well, I don't," Rayna turned her back to him and started pacing around the kitchen. "I cannot believe her. She's got some nerve, that woman. Is it money that she's after? Was all the money you sent to her, back in the day, to keep a roof above her daughter's head, not enough? She wants more? How much more does she want? She wants a six figures payout? Just tell her to name the price."

"This is not about money Ray."

"Then what does she want?" exasperated she brought her hands to her hips, "What will it take for her to do this?"

"She just doesn't want to put her life in danger for me. And I can't ask her to do that either." Deacon's calmness was hitting her nerves now too.

"She could save your life," she almost shouted, as though he was not connecting the dots here.

"I get it, but she just won't do it."

"She could save her brother's life and she won't do it?"

"Rayna-"

"-Just tell me if I'm getting this wrong?" she held one hand up to stop him from continuing. "She could save your life but she said 'no thank you'?" a nod of his head was all she got in return. "Unbelievable," she muttered under her breath resuming the pacing.

"Hey, listen to me," Deacon grabbed her arm and turned her around, holding her at arms' length by the shoulders. "It's alright, okay? We'll find another way."

Rayna blinked a few tears tears back before looking into his eyes, "You bet your ass we will."

He took a step forward and brought her closer to him, her arms wrapped around his torso in an all too natural fashion and her head nestled against his chest. He held her tight and buried his nose in her hair, she could feel him inhaling and exhaling steadily. His heart in his chest was beating against her ear and she found herself counting his heartbeats, careful not to miss even one of them. She pressed her body more firmly against his creating a friction between their respective clothes. Deacon brought a hand to the back of her neck and started massaging it with his fingertips, the circular motion eliciting a guttural moan from the woman in his arms. Before she knew it her nails were scraping the flannel of his shirt as they wandered up and down his sturdy back. Deacon let out a ragged breath and broke the hug taking a quick few steps back.

"Thanks for dinner again," he said looking around for his jacket and car keys.

"T-thanks for coming," Rayna stammered, as she self-consciously wrapped her arms around herself feeling cold due to the sudden separation from his body.

"I guess I should probably get going now."

"Oh," she could have tried to hide her disappointment, but she felt like he needed to know this was not how she'd imagined the evening would end. "O-okay."

"Goodnight Ray," he finally grabbed his keys and jacket and flew out the door without much of a hand wave or one last look.

"Goodnight Deacon" she whispered to a closed door.

_Has anyone ever given anything to you_

_In your darkest hours_

_Did you ever give it back_

"Me too. Thanks for your time anyway. Yeah, we'll keep in touch. Bye." Rayna ended the phone call and went to slid her iphone into her jeans back pocket when her elbow hit Deacon's chest.

He placed both his hands on her shoulders and gently started massaging them,"Everything okay?" he asked.

She had no idea how much of that conversation he had listened to, so she decided to play it cool, "Uhm…yeah."

"Ray?"

"I'm not a match," she clutched the phone tightly in her hand and then angrily threw it on the bed in front of them.

"A mat-Oh no Ray, tell me you didn't," he wrapped his arms around her from behind leaning his his left cheek against her right.

"I had to, okay? I had to see if I was a match," she was shaking in his arms.

Rayna had decided to get tested a couple weeks prior and had debated with herself about whether Deacon should know or not for a while, finally she decided to do it and inform him only if the results came out positive. She had come into contact with his doctor thanks to Scarlett and drove to his office that very morning for her blood's sample taking. When she excused herself to pick up her phone earlier that night, Deacon must have noticed the color disappearing from her face when her eyes read the caller ID and followed her into his bedroom.

"Even if you were, I would have never let you be a donor. You know that, right?"

"I would have fought you on it," she stated matter-of-factly.

He laughed softly and dropped a kiss to her head,"Sounds about right."

Rayna turned into his arms and buried her face in his chest, "I really really hoped I was a match."

"I appreciate you doing this," he rubbed her back calmingly.

Lifting her head up, she set her swimming-in-tears eyes on him, "I'd do just about anything for you."

Deacon brought his right hand to her face and rubbed her cheek with his thumb, Rayna felt that well-known fire burning in the pit of her stomach, when his eyes turned a darker shade of blue and danced from her eyes down to her lips and back. His hot breath was spilling over her mouth as his face slowly inched closer to hers. She felt a shiver run down her spine.

"Guys? Maddie is burning something in here," came Daphne's voice from the kitchen and they jumped apart. Rayna swiftly dried her eyes and walked out the room.

It had been a rough couple weeks, the girls alternated moments of pure joy to moments of deepest sorrow. They loved having Deacon around more often. He'd taken up carpool duties and had certainly become a more present figure in all their lives. The table was always set for four now, regardless if it was dinner, breakfast or lunch. At Maddie and Daphne's request Deacon had started attending soccer games and dance practices, much to Rayna's dismay. She and those soccer moms never got along very well, even less since Maddie told her how much they were all ogling her father at her last game. The bond that was being forged between her girls and Deacon was only making theirs stronger. They'd been talking a lot lately, about the past, about the present...never about the future. No, that was a topic they didn't dare to approach. Nevertheless it felt good to just spend some quality time with him, just the two of them nestled under a blanket on the couch late at night when the girls were already in bed, never seeming to run out of hot cocoa and anecdotes to reminisce about. It felt good, extremely good, to share that mundanity with him, but at the same time it felt ephemeral, like someone was just waiting to come and take it all away from her any second. And that's how the girls felt too, that's what their lows consisted of: crying their eyes out because one feared Deacon wouldn't get to be there if her soccer team made it all the way to the tournament's final for the first time, and the other feared he wouldn't be there when she will have learned to play a full song on the ukulele he'd just bought for her. Rayna had woken up on more than one morning to either Maddie or Daphne, sometimes both of them, curled up in bed with her lately. It was like travelling back in time really, only now she wasn't protecting her girls from the dark or the monsters that supposedly lived under their beds, actually she wasn't sure she could protect them from this at all. They were scared and so was she. Deacon had invited them over for dinner tonight, the three of them had banned her from the kitchen as they concocted god knows what. The girls' giggles and laughter were music to Deacon's ears who would have done anything just to see them smile, in fact he had ingenuously agreed to an after dinner Hunger Games marathon, poor thing.

Deacon turned the tv off and then softly shook Rayna awake, "They're out."

Rayna rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands and yawned loudly, "Yeah, so was I. I should probably wake them up and take them home."

She lifted Daphne's head up from her lap and carefully rose from the couch. "You could stay, you know," Deacon said tucking the blanket around Maddie's shoulders. "Scarlett's on tour with the guys and her room is…I mean Daphne could take it or Maddie could share hers with her you know…" he trailed off, "and you well, you could t-take my room and I'll just crash…on the couch?" He finished haltingly.

She shook her head, "I don't know about that."

"They don't have school, tomorrow is Saturday." He pointed out, smiling wanly. There were two things she was not able to say no to: a spoonful of nutella and Deacon Claybourne's puppy eyes look.

"Okay, we'll stay…" she conceded, "but at two conditions."

"Let's hear'em," he grinned from ear to ear crossing his arms across his chest.

"One: no chocolate chips pancakes for breakfast, I'm getting fat," Rayna said sashaying towards him.

He took a few steps towards her as well. "Yeah I can see that," he joked pinching her left hip. She gasped and swatted his hand away. "What's the second condition?" He asked placing both his hands on her hips now.

"If I promise I won't steal all the covers, would you consider crashing on the bed rather than the couch?"

"Promise?"

"Promise," she nodded solemnly. His beaming smile melted her heart and she was all too lost into it, that she barely had time to respond when he leaned in and his lips gently brushed against hers.

They'd been dancing all around it for some time now, it was becoming a bit frustrating. Rayna didn't know what was going on between them, they both they knew where they stood. She loved him and he loved her and they wanted to be together, yet they couldn't bring themselves to cross that bridge. They would always take one step forward and two steps back, he was shifty and every single time it seemed like they were finally getting there, he did a one-eighty and brought them back to square one. Rayna was growing impatient, nothing was standing in their way except themselves now, wasn't it? There had been sporadic episodes when hands lingered and bodies came into close contact, even a few pecks on the lips here and there, but that was just as far as it'd gotten. She knew she wanted him just as much as he wanted her, she knew his body was aching for her touch just like hers was aching for his, but somehow there was this insurmountable void between them he seemed scared to leap into.

"Hey!" Se threw a pillow at him. "That's my side!" She pointed to the right side of the bed.

"Right. Some things never change," he laughed softly and held his hands up defensively, before rolling to the other side of the bed.

"Actually I haven't slept on the right side for a long time," she confessed tucking at the rim of the oversized old Waylon Jennings' t-shirt he'd lent to her.

He studied her face for a moment and said plainly, "You've always slept on the right side with me."

"Exactly," she said looking down. Silence engulfed them for a few moments.

"Listen-"

"Listen-"

They both chuckled. "You first," Deacon said.

Rayna sighed and climbed into bed and sat on her calves, facing him. She took a big breath and finally looked up at him, "I'm tired of fighting this Deacon." She looked down again, feeling emotions getting the best of her. "I've been so scared of opening up to you again - of letting myself feel again - that I almost forgot how good this was, how good we are together. I just want to be with you. I'm done running."

"Is this because I'm sick or…?"

"How can you say that?" Rayna took his hand in between hers. "No. I wanted this before I knew about the cancer, I called off the wedding before all of this happened," she let a single tear fall. "I want you back babe. Let's not waste any more time, please."

"I don't want you like this, taking care of me." He wriggled his hand from her grasp, "I want to take care of you, of the girls, this is not the life I'd imagined for us. It's not supposed to happen this way...It's just not."

"Many things weren't supposed to happen the way they've happened in our lives." Rayna rocked forward and crawled up to him. "One for all…Maddie."

"Yeah."

"But we played the hand life dealt us anyway, didn't we?" She took his face in between her hands and gently lifted it up, forcing him to look at her. "And we're still here Deacon." Rayna propped herself up, her hands still holding his face captive, as she swung her left leg over his legs and slowly lowered herself onto his lap. "I'm still here."

Tilting his head up he captured her lips with his, slow and gentle at first. She could feel the tears that were falling from his eyes wetting her cheeks and sighed into his mouth. Deacon brought a hand up and wrapped it around her neck and forcefully pulled her closer. Rayna gasped softly and then melted into him as his tongue teased her lips begging for an invitation to deepen the kiss. Rayna parted her lips and welcomed him in, meeting his questing tongue and moaning softly as she massaged it with hers. Deacon's fingers pressed into her scalp as he angled his head, taking the kiss deeper still. He arched his back and pressed up into her, Rayna wound her arms around his neck crashing her chest against his. His hand slid down her back and the hem of her t-shirt, he growled soft and deep in his throat when his fingers came in contact with the warm, soft, milky skin of her back. They broke the kiss panting, desperate for air. Rayna fondly brushed his brown hair away from his forehead and pecked his lips over and over, her blue eyes never leaving his.

"God, baby I missed this," he mumbled against her lips, "You. Everything."

"Me too. I love you Deacon."

"I love you too."

_Well, I have_

_I have given that to you_

"The tumor is growing," Doctor Rand announced sitting down behind the desk in his office.

Carefully Deacon said, "Okay."

"It's a millimeters difference since your last scan, but it is growing."

"He's still eligible for a transplant thought, isn't he?" Scarlett asked, perching up on the edge of her chair.

"Yes," he answered and then turned to Deacon, "We've changed your ranking too. You went from twenty-four to thirty. That means you have better chances to get that transplant now. You could get the call any day, at any time," He explain further. "We have all your contacts information here, but we're gonna need you to identify a support person, someone who can be by your side within an hour from the call and help you with notifying friends and family, pack a bag for the hospital, take your medications. We'll need this person's contact information too, just in case we can't reach you. Whoever you pick will be responsible for you in the after-surgery as well, learn to care for your incision, make sure you take your medications, that kind of stuff."

Rayna shifted in her chair and crossed her legs, "Do I have to fill a form or something?"

"Rayna," Deacon put a hand on her forearm.

"If you could just write your cellphone number and home number down here, that'd be enough." Doctor Rand handed her a piece of paper and a pen.

"Rayna," Deacon repeated more firmly this time, giving her arms a squeeze.

"What?"

"Don't you think we should talk about this first?"

She turned her head to glance at Deacon and with a shrug said "No, I don't."

"I could do it, you know? It doesn't have to be you. I could-"

"No, it's fine," Rayna said scribbling down vehemently.

"I mean it. Besides I already live with him, I'm his next of k-"

"-Scarlett I got this, okay?" Rayna's voice came out louder than she probably intended to. The young woman looked at her with wide eyes, but didn't say more. "Here," She put the paper and pen down on the doctor's desk.

"Alright. I guess that's all for now."

"Thanks doctor," Deacon got up and extended his hand to shake his.

Rayna slipped one arm into her handbag handle and swung it over her shoulder, she got up, shook doctor Rand's hand as well and said "Thank you, we'll see you soon."  
She reached for Deacon's hand and threaded her fingers through his as they made their way out of the office.

She had met the young doctor before, but this was the very first time Deacon had asked her to come with him to one of his appointments. She'd been nervous and didn't manage to sleep the night before. They were supposed to do a scan and check how much the tumor had or hadn't grown. A one centimeter growth meant Deacon's liver was not eligible for a transplant anymore, it was a death sentence, plain and simple. If Deacon had been nervous, he hadn't let on that morning. The two had spent the previous night wrapped in each other's arms whispering I love you's back and forth. Rayna had shamefully asked Teddy to take the girls for the night and thank God he had happily agreed. These days he was spending less and less time with his daughters, partly because they wanted to spend every hour of every day at home with Deacon and partly because the FBI had been on his heels for over a month now and he didn't want to get the girls involved.

"You didn't have to do that," he said looking out of the car window.

"Just drop it already Deacon," she said with a sigh, stopping at a red light.

"Guess what I was trying to say is...thank you."

Rayna pushed her sunglasses up her head and turned to him, resting her right hand on his thigh. "I meant it when I said this is my battle too."

Since they'd finally decided to get back together and made it official with the girls, things had gone from good to great. She'd never felt this happy in her entire life, despite the dark cloud that lingered above their heads threatening to make it rain at any moment, they were happy. Rayna and Deacon spent many hours rediscovering each other, getting to know each other again in a way. Deacon was right, he was a different man now and she was a different woman as well, but they were also pretty much the same Deacon and Rayna they'd always been. Nothing had changed between them really, the passion, the longing, the need, the devotion….it was all still there, as strong as it ever was. The only real difference now was that they had a teenager and a pre-teen in the house making it, at times, impossible for them to fully enjoy each other's company. However difficult it was for them to get some much needed alone time though, they loved their Friday movie nights and pizza Sundays and wouldn't have traded them for anything in the world.

"So…uhm…I googled a couple of things in the past few weeks and uhm…I want to get tested. " Maddie stammered out, closing her book. "He is my father, there are really good chances I could be his donor." She said getting up from the table to collect her homework.

Deacon and Rayna looked at each other in shock for a split second, before Deacon said "No way."

"Don't even think about it," Rayna echoed him.

"But why? I'm your daughter."

"Yes and you are also too young Maddie," Deacon tried to keep his composure, but he could just feel his patience slipping away.

"I'm almost sixteen."

"You could be sixty for all I care and I still wouldn't let you do that!" He yelled, hitting the counter with his flat palm.

Stubbornly Maddie went on, "I want to help if I can."

"Putting your life in danger will help nobody." Rayna wrapped a hand around his arm and rubbed his back in circles with the other in an attempt to calm him down.

"Mom got tested, why can't I?"

"Your mom went behind my back and I wouldn't have let her do that either," he answered in an exasperated tone. "Just forget it Maddie."

"Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because you're a kid!" He yelled again freeing his arm from Rayna's strong grip.

"Yes, your kid!" His daughter countered, her face crumpling giving way to tears.

"Maddie the question is off the table," Rayna said as calmly as she could. She loved that sweet sweet girl for wanting to do this for her dad, but they'd already talked about it - her and Deacon - and they both agreed: come hell or high water, Maddie would never even be considered as a living donor. She was a minor and would have needed her parents' consent to do it, they'd even approached Teddy and discussed it with him. The three of them were all on the same page.

"What if I am a match?" She cried, "Do you want me to spend the rest of my life knowing I could have saved my father but didn't?"

"I don't want to hear another word about this, okay?"

Maddie turned to Rayna, "Mom? Please?"

"Honey, you heard your father." She told her knowing full well her daughter would probably hate her for the rest of her life if something happened to Deacon, but if this was the price to pay to keep her little girl safe then so be it. "This conversation is over," she added for emphasis.

Maddie fell down onto the chair next to her and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. "I just don't want you to die, is it so hard to understand?"

Deacon and Rayna exchanged a look and then both crossed the kitchen and wrapped their arms around their daughter. Rayna couldn't help the tears that she felt coming and silently prayed to God - begged him - to save her man, fearing they'd never survive that kind of pain if he didn't.

_If it's all I ever do_

_This is your song_

"So..uhm...the girls and I have talked." Rayna handed Deacon a mug filled with hot cocoa and then plopped on the couch next to him, tucking her feet under her butt.

"What about?"

"I had a proposition for them, actually it was for you. I just wanted their opinion on it."

"Okay...?" Deacon's eyes darted to his right, eyeing her suspiciously.

"We talked it through and we all happen to agree about this," Rayna took a sip from her mug, "I want you to keep that in mind."

Deacon reached over and set the mug on the small table in front of him and then turned to her, "Rayna what's going on?"

Taking in a shaky breath, she wrapped her slender finger around his wrist and said "Maddie, Daphne and I would like you to move in with us."

"With you?" he cocked his head to study her face. "Like…uhm…here?"

"Yes."

"Well that is one thing that's not going to happen," he laughed bitterly and grabbed his mug again.

"What? Why?"

"I told you I don't want y'all to take care of me. Not to mention you lived in this house with Teddy for how long...? No, just no. I'm not moving anywhere."

"It would just make things easier and save us all the Belle Meade-East Nashville back and forth. It's not a big deal." She said with a shrug taking another sip of the now lukewarm beverage.

"Yes it is." Deacon retorted rising from the couch.

"Okay it is a big deal, but it was bound to happen at some point down the road anyway, don't you think?" She tried to study his expression for a second and then said, "You can have the guestroom if the master bedroom bothers you so much."

"It's not that," Deacon looked at her bewildered. "I mean...it's not just that." He lowered his head, finding his boots incredibly interesting all of a sudden.

"Then what is it? Would it be so bad to live all under the same roof?"

"No, it would be pretty great actually. That's not the point."

"It would be just a temporary thing, you know" Rayna began, getting up from the couch herself. "I've talked to the girls about the idea of getting a new place eventually, they weren't so against it," she walked to the kitchen aisle. "I mean, sure, this is the house they've grown up in and they love this house, but I think we could bribe them into moving out. A music room, a pony, I'll have you know my daughters can easily be bought," she said turning back to Deacon with a bright smile. "We'll come up with something."

"Not to mention," she kept on, walking in circles around the counter "Highway 65 is doing well - knock on wood - if things keep going like this I could probably pay the house mortgage off in say a year...maybe two. It's not going to be easy, but it's worth giving a thou-"

"-Woah Ray, slow down." Deacon whistled passing a hand through his hair.

She stopped in her tracks and spun around, like she'd been just awakened by a reverie. "What?"

"Slow down," he said putting his own mug down on the coffee table. "You're talking about a mile a minute, I can't keep up," he silently asked her to join him on the couch, patting the empty space next to him.

Rayna walked back to the couch and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, deciding to settle onto his lap instead. "You're making plans," he whispered looking up into her blue depths.

"Yeah, well...I plan. That's my thing."

"No, I mean...you're making future plans."

"Well, I figure we have to start somewhere," she said running a hand through his hair.

"Rayna I have cancer."

Rayna jumped up and off of him before he got the last word out,"Would you stop saying that?" she said flinging her arms out of her sides. "That's all I hear, all the time. Mother of Christ!"

"Well it's the goddamn truth Rayna," he got up too, bringing his face close to hers. "This is the reality I live in. I can't talk about the future, I can't afford it, okay?"

"We're going to beat this. Together." It wasn't a statement, more of a plea actually.

"Rayna, cut the bullshit. We both know there's a better chance I'll be six feet under in four months, than here with you. Let's just face it."

Rayna felt like the wind had just been knocked out of her and covered her mouth with her hand. "No," she shook her head as her heart started racing and her breath came out in puffs.

Deacon put his hands on her arms and rubbed them up and down, "Ray, I love you and those girls more than anything, but I can't pretend everything's gonna be fine and just move in with you."

"Why not? Our family needs you and it needs you right here with us. We'll be there to take care of you whether you like it or not, regardless of your address."

Deacon brought his head back and let out a long sigh, he blinked and a warm tear left the corner of his eye and ran down his temple, disappearing right above his ear. Rayna cradled his head in her hand and dried the wet trail left by that single tear with her thumb. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Uh...nothing. You…you just said our family." He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, "It's just...I don't know."

"Babe we do have a family now, you and me." Rayna cupped his face with both her hands, gently stroking his scruff. "Who stayed up half the night to help Maddie study for her history test last Wednesday? Who drove to the other side of town because all the grocery stores nearby didn't have Daphne's favorite Jen &amp; Berry flavor? You are a good dad Deacon, a great dad, and your girls need you. All three of us." With that, she circled her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into her.

Deacon hugged her back and whispered, "I love you all so much."

"We love you too. Please let us be there for you."

He kissed her cheek and then her mouth taking her chin in between his index and thumb, "Let me think about it okay?"

"That's all I'm asking." She kissed him softly, her mouth relinquishing to the mixed taste of chocolate and Deaconess.

They didn't talk about that particular subject for a couple of days, Rayna didn't want to push it and Deacon didn't want to make any rushed decisions. Of course the girls had other plans and had been pestering both their parents about it at any given chance.

"So dad did you think about it?" Maddie asked for the third time that day alone as she was helping Deacon set the table.

He exchanged a smirk with Rayna and then asked, "About what?"

"Oh, come on!" Daphne puffed out dramatically.

"Uhm…I've given it some thought."

"And…?" His daughter prodded him.

"I haven't made a decision yet Maddie."

"What is there to decide? Honestly dad." Maddie started following him around the kitchen as he gathered plates and silverware in his hands. "It wouldn't be much of a big change, except you and mom wouldn't have to come up with some Ponzi scheme every time you want to make out or whatever."

Deacon turned around, a shocked expression on his face, "what are you even talking about?"

"There's only so many times mom's bedroom door can get stuck in one day and you need to fix it, before it gets suspicious." Rayna couldn't help the laugh that erupted from her chest as Deacon's face turned a bright shade of fuchsia. "Find a new excuse at least."

"That obvious?" She asked giving her back to them to check on the chicken roasting in the oven.

"I bought it the first couple of times," Daphne chimed in.

They all started laughing then and didn't stop for a good five minutes. Maybe they weren't as smooth as they thought they'd been or maybe their girls were smarter than they were giving them credit for, either way they'd been busted. Funny thing is, the girls didn't seem to mind. They probably had never seen Rayna so happy and carefree in a while, maybe ever. It was all because of Deacon and they knew that, that's why they'd probably agreed to let him move in with them and were even warming up to the idea of getting a new place. It was a big change, however natural and almost obligated that next step felt, it was a big change. Sure they'd been practically living together for weeks now, minus for the sleeping arrangements, but this would change their extended family dynamics forever. It was not just about the three of them, it was about Daphne and Teddy too and how they would make this all work without hurting anybody's feelings.

Rayna walked Deacon to the door for their usual 'goodbye', which could easily fall under the definition of 'necking' also. "I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked coming up for air, after a few minutes of intense making out.

"Yeah," she nodded. "What is it?" She asked when he didn't move, leaning into the doorframe lost in thought.

"Maybe I'll sleep over tomorrow night? See how that goes?"

Rayna literally jumped in his arms, he almost didn't catch her, "Really?"

"Yeah, I mean…why not." He wrapped his arms more tightly around her midsection.

"The girls will be so excited," Rayna kissed his cheek, patting his shoulder to signal him to put her down.

He smirked, "just the girls?"

Rayna brought her mouth to his ear and sultrily purred, "I hear the guestroom's door needs some fixing as well."

_And the rain comes down_

_There's no pain and there's no doubt_

"Babe?" Rayna knocked on the door for the third time.

"Just go away!" He growled again.

"Deacon, please let me come in."

"I'm fine, just g-" he started to retch again. Rayna leaned her forehead against the bathroom door and squeezed her eyes shut, as she closely listen to Deacon puking out his guts on the other side of that door. It was unbearable.

"Babe?" She tried again, when she heard no sounds coming from inside.

"Deacon, open up come on," her knuckled tapped the wooden surface again.

"This is ridiculous, just open the damn door."

She heard a thud at first and then a soft bang coming from behind the door. "Deacon!"

They were supposed to stop by the Highway 65 offices today, Deacon had insisted she needed to go back to work and so did he. Sadie and Avery had asked Rayna if she could put Deacon on the payroll and feature him as lead guitarist on her album. It goes without saying Rayna had the papers printed before Sadie formally asked. It seemed to do Deacon good, getting back in the studio, playing, it kept his minds off things. Today their second to last recording session was supposed to take place, they were laying the last couple tracks down and his help was precious for Avery, but Deacon had felt sick all night long and Rayna called in saying he wasn't feeling too well and they'd have to reschedule. Deacon was hell-bent on getting into that recording studio that day, it took Rayna over two hours to convince him he was in no condition to leave the house. Despite the cold shoulder treatment, she held her ground.

"Hey," she softly whispered smoothing his hair back.

"Ray? Wha-where am I?" He asked confusedly, trying to push himself up on his elbows.

"Hey now, stay down," She gently pushed him back down. "You're at the hospital. You passed out and hit your head."

"Well that'll explain the pounding," He said drily bringing his hand to his temple.

"Yeah," she smiled warmly, "You had a little concussion, but they did a CT scan, you should be fine."

"How did it happen? I-I don't remember anything."

"You'd been vomiting all morning long, you were dehydrated and a little lightheaded I guess. You just passed out."

"I'm sorry Ray."

She kissed his mouth, lingering for a moment, "Hey, it's okay."

"I won't lock myself up in the bathroom the next time. I'm sorry about that too."

"Babe, I'm here to help you, but I can't do that if you won't let me." Rayna sat on the edge of the bed and gingerly rubbed his arm, before sliding her hand into his palm and locking their hands.

"I didn't want you to see me like that."

"That's what I'm here for. I'm your support person remember?"

"You always have been," he finally looked her in the eyes and offered her a rueful smile.

"And I always will be," Rayna leaned closer and pecked his lips once more. "Get some rest now."

Deacon's health was deteriorating fast. Nobody dared to admit it, but Rayna knew. His skin color was different, his eyes weren't so clear and the blue in them had lost its brightness. It was easy to ignore the signals, especially because he stood so tall and strong, but they were all there mocking her delusion nonetheless. Maddie and Daphne had stopped jumping on him on the couch or asking him to give them piggyback rides. Rayna started to refuse to try sex positions that could possibly hurt him or wear him too much out. Deacon wasn't too happy about any of that, especially the latter, but he seemed to have started to grudgingly accept the reality of the facts. Doctor Rand was on speed dial on Rayna's phone, she talked to him almost every day, even more often since Deacon started experiencing severe nausea all of a sudden. According to him the lack of appetite and nausea were all liver cancer side effects and there was little he or she could do about it. Rayna hated that feeling of powerlessness that had been trying to choke her since the day Deacon told her about his cancer, but more than that she hated the feeling of hopelessness that had recently started keeping her up at night.

"Rayna?"

"Oh, hey Scarlett," she greeted her with a hug.

"Hey. How is he?" She asked in a whisper looking at a sleeping Deacon.

"A little disoriented, still a bit nauseous. They tried to make him walk but he has balance problems. I think they'll keep him overnight just for good measure, you know. He was pretty dehydrated, he's on his second round of intravenous feedings already."

"He's starting to look…" Scarlett trailed off tearing her big blue eyes away from her uncle.

"Sick?" Rayna filled in.

"Yes. Has he lost some weight since the last time I saw him?"

"Yeah. I've been trying to get him to eat more but he's either nauseous or can't keep the food down...I mean...It hasn't been easy." Rayna sighed sitting down in the chair next to his bed again.

"Damn." She cussed clenching her fists. "Hey, I've got nowhere to be, so if you need to go home or pick the girls up at school or-"

"-No, It's all taken care of," She smiled up at her and reached for her hand. "I'm good here."

"Are you sure? I could stay, it's no problem at all."

"I appreciate it, but it's fine really."

"You should listen to her, go on home Ray." Came Deacon's groggy voice.

"Hey, uncle Deacon," Scarlett took a step closer to his bed and leaned down to kiss his cheek. " How are you feeling?"

Deacon didn't even open his eyes, "dizzy mostly."

"I'm sorry."

"Shhh," Rayna hushed him, "go back to sleep babe."

"Rayna I'm okay," he grumbled.

Scarlett kissed his cheek again and then excused herself, "I'll go talk to Caleb real quick."

"You should have taken her up on that offer. Baby, I love you, but you look beyond exhausted," Deacon said squeezing one eye open.

"Thanks for the honesty, I guess."

"Have you talked to Bucky? You were supposed to stop by the office today. You say you're working from home, but I know it's not true. They need you over there."

"Everything's fine Deacon, you don't need to worry about any of that."

"I do Ray," once again he tried to push himself up higher on the bed, but failed. "This label is all you ever wanted and you invested everything you have in it. You need to take care of this business, you can't leave it all in Bucky's hands."

"I need to take care of you."

"No, you don't. I've got pretty nurses here who fawn over me like groupies, you don't have to worry about me," he said with a choked laugh.

"I don't, huh? I don't have to worry about that brunette nurse whose top button unexplainably popped open the second she walked in here an hour ago?" She jerked her thumb towards the door that was just a few feet away from the nurse station.

Deacon got a serious look on his face and before a gasp of laughter hit him, held up two fingers and said, "It was two buttons."

Rayna gasped and slapped his thigh, "Deacon!"

"I'm just messing with you," he coughed, his laughing dying down. "In all seriousness though, I want you to go back to normal, okay? Don't let this illness get in the way. We're talking about your future and Maddie and Daphne's future here."

"I don't know what normal is," she confessed in a whisper, looking out the window. "Not anymore."

"Why's that?"

"Because…" she sighed, searching for the right words. "Because I am terrified Deacon. Completely utterly terrified. I wake up three or maybe four times at night to check if you're still breathing. Every time I'm not with you I cling to my cellphone scared to death that it will ring and I'll find out something's happened to you. I think my heart stopped today when the paramedics pushed that door open and I saw you face down on the floor." Tears were now irremediably running down her face, she didn't even bother to wipe them away. It had been a long day and she needed this small relief.

"I spend every minute of every single day scared that I won't be the last face you see," she hiccuped covering her face with her hands. "I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes."

"Hey. Look at me," Deacon beckoned her. She took a couple of long breaths and then finally met his eyes. "No matter what happens, you will be the last face I see. I can guarantee you that."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**The song I used is "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You" by Stevie Nicks.**

**The second chapter is already done and will be posted some time next week before Nashville returns,**

**XO**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we go again. I'd like to thank all of you who took the time to review/favorite/follow/give shout outs/send threatening text messages. It really means a lot to me that you liked this "little" monster here so much. It truly does.  
I wanted to post this on Wednesday, just to warm you up for the episode, but after reading all you reviews I couldn't very well withhold it any longer.  
Since I was told I should have noted a "tissue alert" for the first chapter, I'm going to note one for this now. I cried myself while writing this and if you knew me you'd know that surely is not easy to accomplish, so to those who already cried while reading the first installment…good luck.  
I threw a little surprise scene in here for SparklingEnchantress, my boo thang. I always feel sorry for taking the surprise element out of this for her, since she's my beta. She doesn't have anything to get excited about when she reads the story here because she already knows what happens and I want to make up for that. You're in for a treat boo and no it is not a baked treat, don't get any ideas. But it is sugary, sort of. LOL  
All right guys, this is it: the second and final chapter. I hope you enjoy it, I hope you won't curse me too much and I hope the next episode won't be as painful to watch as writing this story was for me. AMEN.  
**

* * *

_It was easy to say_

_I believed in you everyday_

"Are you ready?" Rayna asked unbuckling her seat belt.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"It's going to be all right. It's almost over babe."

"Yeah."

"Come here," she reached out for him and gently brought his face closer to hers for a kiss. "You know I love you, right?"

He pressed his mouth to hers, "No one will ever love me like you do?"

"You're damn right," she smiled against his lips, "No one. Ever." Wrapping him in her arms she held him close for a few moments, wondering when she would be able to hold him like that again and at the same time offering up a prayer of thanks.

The infamous call had arrived at 4.07 in the morning. Deacon had been sound asleep, but Rayna jumped awake at the very first ring. They'd gotten dressed, packed a bag and left the house in less than ten minutes. Time had never been on their side, but they needed it tonight more than anything. The early hour helped them reach the hospital relatively quickly. There was a brand new liver waiting for Deacon. It was the end of this nightmare, they'd be finally writing the last chapter of this book. Whether it was going to have a happy ending or not, was yet to be determined.

"So you're telling us this happens all the time?" Daphne asked looking from Rayna to Deacon, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"Not all the time, but yes…it happens rather frequently." Rayna explained, "It is a common occurrence. Or so they say."

"So they made you go all the way over there only to tell you they didn't have the liver they promised you? That's uncool," a tiny pout appeared on the little girl's face as she set her elbows on the counter and rested her face in between her hands.

"No, honey, the donor's liver was not acceptable."

"I don't get this," Maddie began, "Why did they make you rush to the hospital then?"

Rayna took another sip of her coffee waiting for Deacon to say something, but when she was met with silence on his end, she continued, "Because they thought they had a good liver for him."

"So did this mythical liver even exist?" Maddie persisted, "Like was it even there?"

"Maddie…"

"I'm just trying to understand here."

"Can this happen again?" Daphne asked nervously.

"I'm afraid so, yes."

Maddie threw her arms in the air frustrated, "So not only are they making us hang by a thread here, they're also-"

Deacon cleared his throat interrupting her, "I think I'm gonna try to get a couple hours of sleep in before I have to attend my morning meeting."

Rayna put a hand on his shoulder as he passed by her, "I'll be right there with you."

Maddie followed her dad with her eyes until he left the room, "Did we say something wrong or…?"

"No honey, it's been quite a day already and it's not even 8am yet," She reassured her eldest daughter. "We'll see y'all later, okay?"

"Okay," her shoulders slumped down in defeat.

"Come on girls, chop-chop," Teddy clapped his hands together twice. He'd been standing in a corner listening to their conversation in silence.

"Thanks for everything Teddy," Rayna said with a small smile.

When she'd called him from the car, Teddy immediately offered his help and full availability to take care of the girls. He'd been incredibly understanding and supportive during this trying times, offering a shoulder to cry on to his daughters when need be. Rayna knew it wasn't easy for him either, but she really did appreciate how hard he was trying and how unselfishly he was conducting himself. For a moment there she saw the man she'd been married to for thirteen years, she saw a friend.

"Don't even mention it," he said as she walked them to the door.

Maddie swiveled in her mother's direction, "Give dad a hug for me?"

"I will."

"For me too?" Daphne asked adjusting the backpack on her shoulders.

With a soft smile she leaned down and kissed her littlest's mop of blonde hair, "For you too."

_If not for me_

_Then do it for the world_

Scarlett was pacing back and forth from the desk to the office's door, carefully listening to Rayna. "And you think this is a good idea because...?" she interrupted her, stopping her pacing for all of three seconds before recommencing.

"He needs to recharge, get away for a little while."

"That place is one hour and half away from this hospital, if you get the call you'll only have one hour to get here before they'll move on to the next person on the list," she said apprehensively. "You know how this works."

"All I know is that that call last week broke his heart and-"

Dr. Rand raised one hand up as to stop her, "-Ms. Jaymes, it happens."

"It broke his heart." Rayna repeated, boring holes through him with her eyes.

"And I get that."

"You don't, you didn't see the look on his face." Rayna pushed herself up from the chair she was sitting in. "He thinks he's dying, he's losing hope Dr. Rand."

"Taking him away for a week is a risky decision, but it is your decision," he conceded. "I personally wouldn't take the chance."

"We'll take the chance," Rayna's stubbornness was something he didn't want to put to test. "I need to work on him, put him back on his feet, that place is the right place to do that. The girls will join us for the weekend, it's gonna be good. For all of us."

"Enjoy your getaway then."

"Thank you."

They call them dry runs. They're nothing more and nothing less than a false alarm really. Neither Rayna or Deacon had any idea of what a transplant dry run was until the surgeon walked into the room they were getting Deacon ready for surgery in and said he was extremely sorry for this, but the liver they had for him was just not good enough. They took all the needles and tubes they'd stuck in different parts of Deacon's body out and that was it. Three and a half hours later they were back home, exhausted and empty-handed. Deacon hadn't said much on the ride back home, but even a blind person could have read the disappointment on his brooding face. Rayna had called Bucky that very same day to ask him to clear her schedule for the following week and had arranged for them to go to the cabin. He didn't seem too excited at first, but he hadn't been excited much about anything lately.

"Come on babe," Rayna begged him, pushing the plate towards him on the table. "Just one more bite, okay?" She took the fork from his plate and lifted it to his mouth.

"Stop Rayna!" he pushed her hand away from his face, the fork flying across the room and landing somewhere on the floor with a clatter. "Just stop!"

"Deacon…"

"This is exactly why I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to feed me, give me sponge baths, taking care of my sick ass. It drives me nuts." Irritated he covered his eyes with his hand.

"Hey look at me," she wrapped her hand around his wrist and brought his hand back on the table. "I want to do this for you."

He huffed, "Well I don't want you to, okay?"

"Wouldn't you do it for me? If roles were reversed?" she asked brushing her hand up and down his forearm comfortingly.

"Of course I would."

"Then what's the difference here?" She took her fork this time, scooped up some beans from her own plate and lifted it to his mouth. "Come on, just a little bit more."

Deacon sighed beaten, "Can I at least not be fed?"

"Of course," she put the fork down, "Sorry."

"Thanks," with a soft smile he took the fork in his hand and brought it to his lips. "It's gonna go down the drain in an hour or so, I hope you know that."

"We'll just give it a try, okay? If this is too much, we'll try something lighter for dinner." She rubbed his arm and then got up to fetch another fork.

He grunted, "Fine."

"Will you play something for me after lunch?" She said sitting back at the dinner table, "Or maybe we could write together a bit? I can just feel inspiration flow through me when I'm here."

"I guess we could, if that's what you want," he shrugged playing with the food in his plate.

She reached out for his hand and warmly smiled, "Thank you."

Deacon had lost at least ten pounds just in the past couple of weeks; he was getting weaker and weaker. The dark circles around his eyes went from making random appearances to setting up home on his face. His appetite seemed to be gone for good now and the few times he forced himself to eat, he'd always been sick. Rayna decided to try a liquids only diet and for a while it seemed to work, but it had gotten to a point where he had no more strength in his limbs and even getting out of bed in the morning seemed like a challenge. He needed to eat food - real food - it was as simple as that. In the hope that coming to the cabin would somehow made him feel better, more like himself, Rayna had spent hours and hours in the kitchen cooking all his favorite foods, praying to God those familiar aromas would whet his appetite.

"What is this?" She asked wrapping her arms around his neck from behind.

"Just something I've been working on lately."

She kissed his cheek, "May I?"

"Go ahead," He nodded towards the notebook sitting on his lap. Rayna took it in her hands and walked around the couch to sit next to him.

"_If there's really no more teardrops and the streets are paved with gold, send me down some reassurance, I don't believe what I've been told. If there really is a kingdom where you start your life anew, won't you please somehow convince me that Heaven's good enough for you?_" She read out loud, "It's beautiful babe."

"It's about..."

"Your mama," she felt tears burning at the back of her eyes. "I know."

"Yeah, been thinking about her an awful lot lately." He confessed looking down sheepishly.

"You've never written anything about her."

"I know...it's just...I don't know. I found myself wondering if Heaven is good enough for her...and well you know…"

"I've been thinking about my mama too lately," Rayna said twisting between her fingers the ends of a loose strand of hair. "It'll be thirty-one years since she's gone in a couple of weeks."

"Yeah?"

"Yes," her face softened a little bit. "I keep telling her I'm not ready for her to meet you just yet."

"Yeah, too soon to meet the parents, huh?" He joked adjusting the guitar in his lap.

"Are you kidding me? Much too soon," she shook her head before throwing it back laughing.

He laughed as well and leaned back, relaxing against the couch, "Yes."

"They watch over us, you know?" Rayna nestled her head against his shoulder. "I believe that."

"I believe that too, if anything it's my only consolation." He brushed a soft kiss to her head. "Want me to play it for you?"

"Please."

Rayna couldn't remember the last time they'd written a song together at the cabin. Memory doesn't serve you well when you have decades to swim through to travel back in time to a specific moment. Deacon hadn't been sick once since they got there and he seemed in good spirits. She didn't want to take credit for it and told herself it must have been the nice weather or the lake's clean thin air, but deep down she knew that having her there with him, again, was a dream come true for Deacon. It was a dream come true for her too, it was her dream house after all. They'd been up there all by themselves for four days and had already gotten two songs down and were working on a third. It felt so good to just watch him in his element…guitar draped across his body, ruffled hair, ink stained fingers…this…yeah, this was her favorite Deacon. And she meant to enjoy every second with him to the fullest before they'd be hit by thunderstorm Maddie and hurricane Daphne.

"Don't even think about crossing that threshold if you don't put some sunblock on first," Rayna called from the kitchen stopping her youngest in her tracks.

"But mom…"

"Here," She grabbed an orange and brown bottle from the counter and gently threw it at her. Daphne caught in with both hands and then stepped out onto the porch, carefully sliding the door closed behind her.

"Are you guys going to join us?" Maddie casually asked, looking down at her phone as she was making her way out as well.

"Maybe later honey."

"Is he feeling sick again?"

Rayna groggily shuffled over to her daughter standing in the middle of the room, "You know there are good days and bad days."

"I know," Sadness washed over her features. "Is today another bad day?"

"I think he's just tired right now, I'll handle him." Rayna took one step forward and engulfed her daughter in her arms, rubbing her back. "You go ahead and have some fun with your sister."

"I can spend time with Daphne whenever I want mom," she bemoaned. "I'd rather stay with dad."

Rayna squeezed her tight one last time. "Let me just go talk to him, alright?"

Daphne and Maddie were beyond excited to spend the weekend at the cabin, they'd been planning family activities for days and dragged Teddy out to the mall to shop for new bathing suits and summer dresses. It was early May, but the weather had been unseasonably warm this spring. It made Rayna's heart ache to see their faces fall when each and every idea or proposition they bounced off Deacon was met with a resounding "no". She didn't know exactly why he was acting like this; he was slowly but surely getting back to his old self after those few days at the cabin. Or so she thought. He was finally her old Deacon again and now, out of the blue, sad grumpy pain-in-her-ass Deacon was back in full force. His mood swings made her want to pull her hair out. She didn't know how much more she could take.

"Hey," she walked into the bedroom she had personally decorated twenty years before. Much to her surprise, he hadn't changed a thing in there, it was all exactly the same, like they'd never really stopped living there, like time had stood still.  
"The girls and I were thinking about going for a swim in the lake, what do you say? Care to join us?"

"I'm good, thanks," he said flipping through the pages of the new issue of Country Weekly.

"Daphne made lemonade," Rayna sat at the foot of the bad, facing him. "She woke up at the crack of dawn and turned the kitchen into a mess, but she read somewhere on the internet that lemons help with nausea and she thought fresh lemonade would be just what you need. I told her you weren't feeling that nauseous today, but you know how she is when she sets her mind on something."

A wall would have probably been more eloquent than Deacon that day, gathering up the last of her patience she sighed and tried again. "Why don't we go have some on the front porch? It's such a pretty day, you should come outside."

Deacon threw the magazine on the bedside table and turned on his side, tucking both his hands under his cheek. "No, thank you."

"Did you know Daphne spent two hours trying to make the perfect lemonade for you?" Rayna laughed as the image of Daphne's scrunched up face as she counted tea spoon of sugar after tea spoon, danced before her eyes. "I think she used up all the sugar we had in the house, I'm gonna have to run to town later."

"Just leave me alone, Rayna."

"Come on, babe. Do it for the girls?" She rubbed his leg, "You've been locked up in here since they got here. They just want to spend some time with you."

"Well…I'll be dead soon, they might as well get used to it." He closed his eyes, his mouth set in a hard thin line.

Rayna looked around the room for a second and then rose up, moving towards the door. "I can't deal with you when you're like this."

"Like what?" he barked.

"Like a goddamn martyr Deacon!" She snarled as she whirled to face him.

"I'm not a martyr. I'm a dead man walking Rayna." The calmness in Deacon's voice was positively driving her insane, it made her want to bash his face in.

"No you are not!"

"What do you want from me Ray?"

"I want you to teach Daphne that backstroke swim you promised to teach her. I want you to play with Maddie, she misses playing guitar with you so much," tears gathered up behind her eyes. "And damnit Deacon! I want to sip lemonade on the porch with you like a couple of two old hippies because I'll probably never get to do that when I will actually be old and grey. There, that's what I want," She finished breathlessly. Her face was red and her breath was coming out in puffs, like she'd just run a marathon.

She waited for a reaction, any reaction, but nothing came at her. He didn't yell, he didn't throw stuff, he didn't even bother to move a muscle.

"This is killing us every bit as much as it's killing you. You need to remember that from time to time Deacon." With that she left the room and slammed the door with all her mighty on her way out.

He was slipping away, she could feel it. He was slipping away and there was not a damn thing she could do about it. She would have forgiven him anything, hell she forgave him a ton already since she'd met him, but she wasn't sure she would find it in herself to forgive him if he stopped fighting. She cried her eyes out for what felt like hours, locked in the girls' bathroom upstairs. The coughing mixed with sobbing had severely scratched her throat. She silently prayed to God to grant her the strength He was denying Deacon so that she could carry him through this. She would not give up this time, she could never give up now.

"Dad!" Maddie beamed when she turned around and found Deacon next to her on the porch.

"Deacon Deacon Deacon!" Daphne ran up the lawn, her ponytail bouncing on her shoulders, and threw her arms around his hips. "I made lemonade for you."

Deacon squatted down to her level and hugged her tight, "May I have some?"

The little girl's face lit up instantly, "You got it."

"Actually make that two, your mom would like some too." He called after her as she disappeared into the house. Deacon sat down next to Rayna on their brand new swing and took her hand in between his, sliding his fingers through hers. Her hand was limp and he squeezed it a couple of times to gather her attention, but she seemed too preoccupied with the book in her lap to even look at him.

With a sigh he turned to his daughter who was sitting crossed legged on the floor, jotting away on a scrap of paper. "What you got there?"

"Ugh, nothing really. I don't have a bridge, I don't have a chorus, I don't have much of anything to be honest."

"It'll come to you, don't be impatient."

"Thanks dad," She lifted her head from the guitar in her lap and smiling nodded. Rayna noticed the warm exchange and couldn't up but soften up a little, shifting in her seat.

"There you go," Daphne walked out with two tall glasses of lemonade, the liquid sloshing in circles threatening to spill over the edges of the glasses as she trotted towards them.

"Wow, doesn't this look pretty?" Deacon said, taking a closer look at the purple umbrella and red straw in his glass. "Thanks Daph."

"Thanks baby," Rayna echoed him taking the other glass from her hand.

"Taste it!" She urged them, rubbing her now sticky hands together.

Deacon took a long sip, eyeing the girl up from behind the rim of his glass. "Mhmm…delicious."

"Oh my Gosh, really?" she squealed throwing her arms up in sign of victory.

"I swear, it's so good. Great job!"

"I can make some for you every morning when we go back home if you want."

"I think I'm gonna take you up on that," Deacon nodded solemnly before bringing the drink back to his lips.

"Really?" The smile on her face could have lit up a whole town, Rayna couldn't help her lips from turning up into a grin of her own.

"Yes, but now...who wants to go for a swim?"

"I do!"

"Hey! Wait for me!" Maddie called uncrossing her legs to get up. "Mom, are you coming?"

"In a minute," she said as her eyes followed Deacon and Daphne chasing each other down the lawn and up to the pier. He grabbed her hand and gave her a nod, Daphne cupped her little hand around her nose squeezing her nostrils closed and without a second thought they jumped together into the water.

_If not for me_

_Then do it for the world_

"So that Daphne's school event is this coming Thursday," Rayna lifted the comforter up and pulled it back.

"No need to remind me," Deacon chuckled turning the bathroom light off and walking into the room. "Has she put that ukulele down this week? Like even once?"

"Nope," she perched down on the right side of the bed squeezing an almond scented hands lotion into her right hand. "Next time you want to give her a present, please make sure it can't produce any sounds. I'm going to lock that thing up in a closet somewhere and throw away the key, I swear." She laughed softly, massaging her hands together. "Anyway, I think you should come with us."

"I already told Daphne I'll be there. Six-thirty, right?"

"No, I mean we should all go together," she laid down, burrowing into the fluffy pillows. "All four of us."

"Rayna it's also a charity event, a lot of people will be there...photographers...I don't know."

"Since when do you care what people think?" she teased.

"Since I've got two young girls to protect," he stated matter-of-factly. "There's been enough speculation about you and me in the past few months, everyone thinks you left Luke at the altar for me."

"Babe…sorry to break it to you like this," she glanced at him across the room with a serious expression on her face, "but…I kind of did," she chortled at last.

He laughed at the fond memory, shaking his head, "All right, but-"

"-I don't want to hide our relationship."

"It's not hiding, it's just protecting our privacy."

"I'm not opening our bedroom door to TMZ Deacon," she rolled her eyes, "I just don't see the point in acting like we're not together when we actually are together."

He finally climbed in bed as well and gave her a quick peck on the lips, "I just don't want to borrow trouble."

Rayna brushed some hair out of his face dotingly, "I promise it'll be fine."

"Does that mean I get to do this in public now?" He kissed her long and hard on the mouth, wrapping his callouses fingers around her neck.

"Yes," she purred smiling against his lips.

"And this?" His mouth blazed a trail of hot wet kisses down her neck as he pressed her gently onto the mattress. His four days old scruff tingled her soft skin, her giggles subsiding and turning to moans when he descended further and started leaving peppering kisses along her chest. Deacon slid his hand into her silk lavender negligee and freed her breast of the material, pulling it out to cover it with his own mouth.

"No," Rayna let out a moan arching her back, "but I am all for private shows babe."

She took his face between her hands and brought it back up, drawing his lips against hers and sighing in contentment when he responded to the kiss. His tongue darted into her mouth, caressing hers, as she circled her arms around his broad shoulders and pulled him flat against hers. She writhed one hand in between their body, desperately seeking the elastic band of his briefs, when she heard something buzz off in the distance.

"Was it your phone?" She broke the kiss panting.

"I didn't hear anything." He covered her mouth with his again, his tongue searching for entrance.

She gently pushed him back, "Deacon, please check?"

With a growl he pushed himself up and off of the bed. "It's Avery," he announced looking down at his phone. "She's here."

"She is?" Rayna's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yup."

She pushed herself up on her elbows, "Does it say how Juliette is doing?"

"It says both mom and baby are doing great."

"Good, I'm happy for them."

"Me too," Deacon nodded, "Look, there's a couple pictures too."

"Let me see," she took the phone he was holding out for her. "Awww she's so cute!"

He smiled looking down at the phone, "She really is."

"Remind me to ask Bucky to send some flowers tomorrow, please?"

"Maybe we could bring them in person?" He tried, climbing back in bed.

"Babe, you know you should avoid hospitals if not strictly necessary. If we compromise your immune system-"

"-Yeah I know, I know," he sighed running a hand through his hair. "I just wanted to congratulate a couple of friends who just had a baby in person. I can't even do that because of this damn cancer."

Rayna promptly flipped on her right side and put a hand on his chest, resting her chin on its back. "We'll go visit them at home as soon as they're discharged, okay?"

"Whatever," he brushed her hand off of him and went to turn on his side.

"Come on, don't be like this now," she grabbed his arm and pulled him back against her chest. "Don't make a big deal out of nothing," she pleaded with him, kissing the soft spot below his ear.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one with an expiring date printed on your liver," carelessly he shrugged her off.

Rayna fell back into the mattress on her side of the bed with a soft thud, "You're right, I'm not."

"No shit, Rayna."

"You know what?" She pulled the covers back and hastily got up from the bed, "Screw you."

These fights had become more and more frequent recently. He would snap at her for absolutely no reason and then subsequently apologized. It brought her back to his addiction days in a way. He would get completely wasted, get into fights, trash apartments and then apologize in a letter or in a note attached to the fridge with a magnet. Rayna knew how running out of free passes to give him felt like and she knew exactly where that led to. Too bad they were on borrowed time here already, she wasn't sure they had fifteen years on their hands to devote to making amends.  
At times she felt completely detached from Deacon, like they were running down two different tracks in two different directions. She remembered the last time she felt that exact same way, like the fear of losing him had become her shadow. His best friend Vince had just died and that's when he got trapped into a downward spiral that started his fourth stint in rehab and officially ended their relationship. She was so angry at him right now, angry for making her feel that way again, for bringing to mind those daunting memories and all too familiar scenarios.

Deacon walked into the music room, Rayna was laying on the couch staring into space. "Are you coming to bed?"

"I'm good here," she replied aloofly.

"It's 2am," he brushed one hand over his tired face sighing. With two long strides he closed the distance between them and kneeled down next to her. "I can't sleep without you next to me, please come back to bed?"

"I just need a minute."

"I gave you like two hours Ray."

"Maybe I need one more."

"I'm sorry, okay?" he tentatively reached one hand out to touch her shoulder. "I really am."

"Whatever you say," she flipped on her side and gave him her back.

"What more do I have to say?" He pushed himself up and off the floor.

"Nothing Deacon, absolutely nothing."

"I'm sorry," his voice was just above a whisper.

Rayna breathed out loudly, "You always are, aren't you?"

The room went quiet for a couple of minutes, neither of them moved or said a word until Rayna heard a soft whimper, "I'm scared." She felt her blood go cold. "I'm so goddamn scared Rayna."

Slowly Rayna turned her head and then she saw him, shoulders hunched up, arms resting lifelessly at his sides and teardrops cascading from his eyes in an excruciating slow motion. He looked like a frightened child and she could just hear the sound of the heart in her chest breaking in two at this sight.

"I don't want to die, I don't want to leave you," he candidly said.

Rayna sat straight and opened her arms, he fell into them and let her hold him close. "I'm not letting you go anywhere, you hear me?" She kissed his head, rocking him like a baby in her arms.

"I'm so sorry."

"Shhh..." she hushed him in between kisses.

"I've been such a pain in the ass and you've been so patient with me... I j-just love you so damn much." He was now sobbing and Rayna recognized the feeling of burning tears at the back of her eyes.

"I love you too," she wrapped her arms more tightly around him until she could feel his bones. "So so much babe."

Leaning down she captured his lips with hers, the taste of salty tears invading her mouth. Parting her lips with the tip of his tongue, Deacon groaned as her tongue eagerly sought his. Her hand fisted in his hair to hold his face close to hers, as their mouths kept moving in unison. Deacon's lips twitched when they finally parted and his chest heaved in search of air.

With swollen reddish lips Rayna sweetly kissed him again, "Let's go back to bed."

_Has anyone ever written anything for you_

"Hey? What are you two doing in here?" Rayna stopped in her tracks the moment she saw Maddie and Daphne rummaging through the drawers of her vanity in her former bedroom.

"Uhm...nothing."

Daphne held her hands up guiltily, "Yup, nothing."

Rayna glared at them suspiciously, "Girls?"

"Okay, I just wanted to borrow a pair of earrings, but I thought you'd never let me have them," Maddie said crossing her arms across her chest.

"Honey, take whatever you want," she said with an encouraging smile, "But don't touch your grandma's jewelry and my silver band, okay?"

"You mean this one?" Maddie asked opening the palm of her right hand.

"Yeah, put it right back down missy," Rayna pointed a finger at her. Maddie did as told and followed her sister as she ran for the door. Before she could safely make her escape though, Rayna grabbed her wrist and spun her around.

"Wait a minute you, what happened to your hand?" She asked inspecting the two band-aids she had clumsily wrapped around her finger.

"Uhm…nothing…I was playing and my finger slipped on the string and then my nail- it's nothing really." She waved a hand dismissively.

"Let me take a look."

Rayna took her daughter's hand in between hers and carefully started to rip the adhesive bandages off, "Mom, it's nothing I swear."

"I've seen many of these on your father's hands," leaning forward she took a closer look at her daughter's cut. "Just let it heal properly before you go back to playing, okay? Give it a couple of days at least."

Maddie shook her head, "I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't seem to get this chords transition right and I need to practice," she pulled her hand away and tucked it in her jeans back pocket.

"You don't want it to get infected, trust me," Rayna said sternly. "Just a couple of days, all right?"

"No." Maddie raised her voice, "I don't have a couple of days."

"And why is that?"

"Because…" She trailed off, looking anywhere but at her.

Rayna touched her shoulder softly, "Maddie?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I am trying to stay positive and see the glass half full and whatever other crap you keep saying to me and Daphne, but…" A pout appeared on her face as tears began to glisten in her eyes. "What if he won't be there in a couple of days? What if I wake up tomorrow and today was the last time he picked me up at school or yesterday's was our last guitar lesson? What if I can't remember the last time he hugged me or the last time he told me he loves me?"

She wrapped her tightly in her arms, resting her head against hers, "Oh sweet girl."

"What if I can't remember all our last times?" Brokenly she asked in a whisper. "I want to remember all our last times mom, I want to see the look on his face when I'll finally get this transition right."

"How about this," breaking their embrace Rayna walked her to the bed and made her sit. "Why don't you focus on your first times instead? Keep those moments with you. The first time he ever taught you how to play a note, the first time you performed together, the first time you called him dad."

"We don't have many first times together, he wasn't there for most of my first times. I mean…first birthdays, first Christmases, first steps…stuff like that."

"Can I tell you a secret?" She took her hand in hers, "He was there for one of those first times you just mentioned."

Maddie's face lit up with a smile, "He was?"

"You couldn't have been more than eleven months old," Rayna began, "My new album had just dropped and we were in Los Angeles to promote it. I had a tv appearance scheduled for that night and the band and I were in my dressing room, getting warmed up before the show. You were crawling around as usual, Teddy and I had tried to get you to walk for weeks by then, but you just couldn't be bothered," They both chuckled.  
"So Deacon puts his guitar down, gets up and walks to the refreshment table to get some water and what do I see with the corner of my eye?"

"What?" She asked impatiently squeezing her hand.

"I see you pushing yourself up on your hands, wave your arms around in the air for balance and stand up. All by yourself. Slowly you pick one foot up really high and then drop it, catch your balance again and do the same with the other foot, trailing behind Deacon. You looked like a teeny tiny sumo wrestler or something," Rayna laughed at the I'm-not-impressed expression Maddie plastered on her face.

"I gasped in shock when I saw you walking and your dad turned around to see what was going on and there you were, cautiously walking towards him. It goes without saying you tumbled and fell before you could reach him, but he saw it Maddie. He was there for his little girl's first steps."

"Was he happy?" She shyly asked, "Do you think he was happy to see me walk for the first time?"

"Maddie he was smitten with you long before he knew you were his. He was grinning from ear to ear," Rayna recalled, affectionately running a hand through her hair.

She remembered that day as if it was yesterday. She remembered how she cried herself to sleep that night, holding her perfect baby girl to her chest. She remembered how she almost blew it all up when she saw him the next morning and nearly confessed the entire truth to him somewhere between the breakfast buffet table and the emergency exit door. This had been a bittersweet memory for a long time, she was glad they were now finally able to take the bitter out of it.

"Thanks for sharing this with me mom."

"Of course," she smiled warmly. "Just don't mention it to Teddy, okay? He's very proud of those pictures of you taking your first steps, I never had the heart to tell him you'd been walking for a month when he took them."

"Okay," Maddie laughed and gave her a big hug, "I love you mom."

Rayna pressed her lips to her temple, "I love you too baby."

Things seemed to have gone back to normal, if their life had any shred of normality left in it that is. Deacon had been put on stronger antibiotics and his appetite was back. There was no sign of tumor's growth in his last scan, but his liver's function was getting lower and lower. They'd said he could experience a liver or even a kidney failure if they couldn't find a donor within the next four weeks. Still, he was definitely feeling stronger and more himself than he had in a long time and that seemed to be enough to keep him going. That's all Rayna wanted anyway, to keep him going, to keep him fighting.

"Madeline Virginia Conrad get down here at once!" Rayna shouted, two days later, standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Maddie!"

"Ray, what's going on? Why are you yelling?" Deacon almost ran to her side when he walked into the house with grocery store bag tucked under his arm and saw her all worked up.

"She took it, I know it was her. Maddie!"

"She took what?"

"My ring-your ring...she-she took it," Rayna tripped over her words, the vein on the right side of her neck unmistakably throbbing.

"Ray..."

"Mom?" Maddie called, slowly making her way down the stairs. "What's going on?"

"Where's my ring Maddie?" Rayna asked resting both her hands on her hips.

"What ring?"

"My ring!" She shouted, her self-control as good as gone again. "The silver band I asked you not to touch. Where is it?"

"I don't have it."

"Who has it then? Daphne? Daphne! Come here!" She stomped her foot angrily.

Unable to hold it any longer Maddie let out a laugh, "Mom you look like a crazy person right now, like legit crazy."

"Do you think this is funny? It is not. You have no idea how much that rin-"

"-What's with all the yelling?" An agitated Daphne ran down the stairs.

"Somebody took my ring," Rayna said tiredly pressing a hand to her forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

"Yup, somebody sure did," her youngest giggled pointing behind her, her eyes twinkling.

Rayna spun on her heels and found Deacon down on one knee. "What in the wor-Oh my god!" she gasped covering her mouth with both hands as she realized what was happening.

"Sorry I asked them to steal your ring Ray," he said apologetically, a smirk creeping on his face.

"Deacon..."

"I wanted to do this in a more elaborate way, at a fancier location and certainly not with you in sweatpants," he held one hand out and she gently laid her left palm in his. "But…since you're having a panic attack over there…" Deacon trailed off putting the bag of groceries down beside him.

He dipped two fingers into his shirt's pocket, taking out the silver band she was desperately looking for, and held it out for her. Rayna's eyes were sparkling with tears now.

"They say third time's a charm...so...Rayna Cornelia Wyatt will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"

Rayna pressed her right hand to her heart as she felt like it was about to come out of her chest any moment. "Yes", she chocked out in a whisper.

"Did she say yes?" Deacon poked his head from behind her legs to wink at the girls. "'Cause I didn't hear it." The girls smiled back at him, both brushing tears away from their faces.

Rayna laughed a little, tears streaking down her cheeks at an incredible fast pace. "Yes," She repeated more firmly.

Deacon slid the ring onto her trembling hand and stood up. They looked at each other for a long moment, hearts beating loud in their ears. Shaking her head Rayna took a tentative step closer to him, she just couldn't believe this was really happening.

"We're getting married baby," he assured her, reading her mind. She then fell in his arms and buried her face in his shoulder, Deacon wrapped her tightly in his embrace and laughed softly as he kissed her head.

"You guys!" Maddie shrieked running towards them, "Congratulations!"

Daphne followed suit and they both stood at their respective sides and threw their arms around them. "We love you both so much."

Rayna pulled back a little and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes mouthing an "I love you". A bright smiled appeared on his face and he pressed his lips forcefully down onto hers.

The story behind the infamous ring had been told twice at dinner that night, Daphne and Maddie were asking question after question about when he'd bought it, where, why, how did he first propose. Rayna and Deacon patiently narrated it to them, careful to avoid salacious details such as drunk proposals and celebratory accidental baby making. It made her fall in love with him all over again, when the girls later told her what he had planned for the proposal. The dinner at her favorite restaurant, the flowers, the getting down on one knee at their spot on the bridge, it sounded magical and she felt sorry for spoiling his surprise for all of one minute. If she was being honest with herself, this was the most perfect proposal ever. Their girls were there to witness and celebrate with them, she wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Hey there fiancé," Rayna came up behind him and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, resting her cheek against his back.

Deacon squeezed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush smiling into the mirror, "You like that word, don't you?" He asked amused, she'd been calling him that all day.

"Love it," She snuggled deeper into him as he began brushing his teeth.

"Thought so," He mumbled, sucking the foam back into his mouth.

"You know which word I love even more and I'm going to say over and over again until your ears bleed?"

He spit into the sink and lowered his head closer to the faucet to rinse his mouth, struggling to move with the new appendix glued to his back, "Which one?" he asked.

"Husband."

Deacon turned in her arms reaching behind her for the towel hanging from the holder on the wall, "Yeah?"

She stretched on her tiptoes and gently brushed her lips against his wet lips, "I can't wait for you to be my husband."

He kissed her back, "Neither can I."

"I was starting to think you'd never ask again," she bashfully said glancing up at him.

"Well - in my defense - you did say no the last time I asked," he wiped his mouth with the towel.

"Shut up!" She slapped his chest indignantly with her left hand. "God, how I love this ring," adoringly she whispered when the precious piece of jewelry caught her eye.

"You do?"

"Always have."

"I'm glad," he tossed the towel aside and leaned down to capture her lips with his, "'cause I made those sweet daughters of ours commit a felony to get it back."

Rayna laughs, "I love you."

He circled her shoulder with his strong arm and held her fast against his chest, "I love you too."

"I want to do it soon, the wedding ceremony I mean." She looked up at him for a moment and then buried her face back in the crook of his neck, "No long engagements or big parties or anything. Let's just take the girls and go to the courthouse. Tomorrow."

"What? No," he shook his head, freeing her from his arms. "I want you to have your big fancy wedding, you deserve at least that."

"But I don't need a big fancy wedding, I just need you and Daphne and Maddie."

Deacon glared at her and gravely said, "You deserve more than that."

Rayna's heart melted a little at his words and she tightened her grip on him, craving that closeness. "More than the rest of your life?"

He sighed, shifting uneasily in her arms, "You know what I mean."

"I just want to be Mrs. Claybourne so bad."

His eyes met hers and they held a love so profound and absolute that it took her breath away. "I'm gonna marry you…just as soon as I get this new liver, okay?"

"Okay."

"We're gonna do this right. I don't want to do things...just in case, you know? I don't want you to be a widow either."

"Babe..."

Deacon leaned down and lovingly brushed a kiss to her forehead, mumbling "I'm gonna beat this thing. For you and for the girls."

Then he slid his hands down her back, all the way to her ass and cupped both cheeks with his hands, squeezing them tight. "And more than anything," he continued, "for that damn honeymoon."

He took her mouth with his and bit down on her lower lip, before slipping his tongue in. She welcomed his in eagerly, internally cursing the strong flavor of minted toothpaste covering his usual taste. Her hands found his neck and wrapped closely around it, as she angled her head and took him in deeper, soliciting a deep throaty groan from Deacon. One of his hands slowly slid further down her thigh and slipped in between her legs. Rayna gasped into his mouth when his pointer and middle finger came in contact with her most sensitive area and instinctively her legs drifted apart. He rubbed his fingers against her and she could just feel the need for him building up in her core. Before she knew it he'd had wrapped both hands around each one of her legs and strongly lifted her and pushed her up against the wall behind her. Their lips parted and she pulled him flush against her, crossing her calves around his hips.

"I'll send a card from Mexico?" She devilishly beamed down at him with a sly smile.

He captured her lower lip between his teeth and sucked on it long and hard, his eyes never leaving hers. "A postcard from Mexico."

_In your darkest sorrow_

_Did you ever hear me sing_

_Listen to me now_

"Look who's here," Daphne announced as she bounced into the living room area pushing a red stroller.

"Hi."

"Hey," Deacon and Rayna both said looking at their guests.

"Someone wanted to say hi to her favorite uncle," Juliette hugged Deacon.

He hugged her back and then bent down, "Hi Chloe."

He took the sleeping baby into his arms and softly rocked her as he moved to sit on the couch.

"Oh my Goodness look at her!" Rayna said as she peeked over the edge of the white blanket, "She's simply precious Juliette."

"Thank you."

"Hello beautiful," Maddie cooed, as she gazed down from behind the couch at the bundle in her dad's arms. "She's all you."

"I don't know, I see a lot of Avery in her too," Juliette admitted.

"She's adorable," Daphne stuck a finger out and gingerly touched Chloe's clenched fist. "And tiny, so tiny."

"That she is. Also loud. Very loud," Juliette said with a laugh.

Rayna tore her eyes away from the baby for a second and winked at her, "I wonder who she takes after. Congratulations Juliette, she's pretty amazing."

"Well I'm the one who should be handing out congratulations here. I saw it on twitter, you guys are engaged."

"Yeah," Rayna smiled cupping Deacon's knee fondly.

"I'm really happy for you, both of you."

"Thanks," he grinned, "How old is she again?"

"Three weeks old tomorrow."

"She's so big already, before you even realize it she'll be in high school," Deacon said as he snugly pressed the baby further into his chest.

Rayna rose to her feet uneasily, "Sweet tea?"

Before anyone could answer her she moved away from the couch and hurriedly walked into the kitchen. Juliette followed her with her eyes and then joined her.

"Rayna? You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," She swatted the air with her free hand as she poured the tea into a glass with the other.

Juliette rested a hand on her arm and in a whisper asked again, "Are you alright?"

Rayna took a deep breath and put the pitcher down. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath, "He is dying Juliette."

"Come on, don't talk like that," her friend rubbed a hand up and down her arm.

"He is dying," she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. "He is dying and he'll never know how singing your child to sleep feels like or the absolute horror of going for a week without sleep because she's teething. He'll never end up soaked wet trying to give her a bath or get to hold his child while she's getting stitched up in the emergency room. He'll never know any of that because I took it all away from him."

"Oh Rayna," Juliette wrapped her arm around her waist and leaned her head against her arm, squeezing her tightly.

"And now he'll probably won't get to give a pep talk to her date before her senior prom, he won't get to take pictures of her walking on stage to get her diploma on her graduation day, or give her away on her wedding day because this cancer is taking it all away from him."

"You don't know that."

"I thought we had time," She brushed away a single tear, sniffing. "I never thought I'd have more children, hell I thought I didn't want more children, and then I see him with that sweet baby of yours and all I can think about is how badly I want a baby with that man."

Juliette's eyes cut to Deacon and the girls doting over her daughter on the couch, oblivious to the breakdown Rayna was having just a few feet away from them. "I'm so sorry," she sincerely said.

"I mean…" she laughed bitterly, "It would probably take a miracle to get pregnant at my age. And it would be a geriatric pregnancy to put it mildly, but I would just like to have the choice, you know? Just the choice."

When Rayna got pregnant with Maddie she instantly knew the baby was Deacon's. She'd let her sister talk her into believing there was a good fifty percent possibility it could be Teddy's, but she knew better. Teddy had always been careful, Daphne's conception had been planned to the very last detail. Rayna had to take her body temperature every day and keep her legs propped up on two pillows after intercourse and do a lot of other stuff she'd rather not be reminded of, all per Teddy's request. He was hell-bent on getting her pregnant. He wanted a child of his own, he loved Maddie with all his heart of course, but he wanted a kid whose cheeks weren't bejeweled with the typical Claybourne dimples every time she smiled and whose fingers weren't always looking for something to strum. She owed him that much and so they made Daphne. She wasn't that eager to add another child to her already hectic working schedule, but she knew it was something she had to do for the sake of her marriage and she didn't regret it. She wasn't exactly happy when she found herself pregnant with Maddie either - quite the opposite - but she never considered her two girls to be nothing short of a blessing.  
This time though, for the first time ever, Rayna was feeling the need to have a child. It was something she wasn't used to, it was new. She was aware she was feeling like that for all the wrong reasons. She selfishly wanted to keep a piece of Deacon all to herself in the off chance he would die and at the same time cowardly wished to make up for all her wrongs by giving him a chance to be a father from the beginning. Regardless of the motivation behind it, that feeling was sitting there, on top of her stomach and it was getting harder and harder to ignore it. She hadn't talked about it with Deacon, she wouldn't dare. He probably wouldn't have been on the same page of hers even if he wasn't sick, who knew. All Rayna knew was that she didn't have the choice to think about it, hell to even dream about it, because their future was shaped in the form of a big black questioning mark.

"Thanks for stopping by, it really means so much to him," Rayna said slowly closing Juliette's car door after helping her settling the baby in her infant car seat.

"Hey, we love Deacon," Juliette reached up and hugged her. "About that...there's something I wanted to discuss with you first."

"Sure."

"Avery and I would like for you and Deacon to be Chloe's godparents," she blurted out without taking a breath.

"Oh my Goodness!" Rayna threw her arms around her and held her former nemesis close for a moment.

"But we didn't want to be…I don't know…with Deacon's situation…we just-"

"-We'd be honored to be her godparents," she reassured her with a smile patting her arm.

"So you think it's a good idea then?" Juliette looked up at her, almost skeptically.

"Of course, Deacon will be thrilled."

"Okay, great" she let out a big breath. "I'll tell Avery and then we'll officially ask you guys, so pretend you're surprised when that happens."

"I can do that."

She smirked mischievously, "Don't I know it."

_You know I'd rather be alone_

_Than be without you_

_Don't you know_

"My oh my, if this isn't the queen of country music herself."

"Hello Beverley," Rayna pushed past her and walked into the small apartment without invitation.

"Save your breath Rayna, the answer is no," Beverley calmly said closing the door shut.

"Fine, let's have it," Rayna threw her purse on the nearby couch and twirled around. "You and I, we've never liked each other much."

Beverley's eyes rolled to the back of her head as she snorted, "That's one way to put it."

"But you adored your little brother. I remember how close the two of you used to be, how fondly he always spoke of you. He went out of his way to help you raise Scarlett and you know that."

"Yes, he sent money every once in a while, so what? He was never there," she shrugged, her voice getting increasingly louder. "He abandoned me and never looked back. Deacon hasn't been a brother to me in a long long time."

"He has been like a father to your daughter. And he is a father to mine," she appealed at her motherly side. "By punishing him, you're destroying your daughter and my daughter's lives too. How can you live with yourself?"

"Scarlett is none of your goddamn business. And don't come talking to me about punishing Deacon when you've done nothing but that for over a decade. You wanna talk about your daughter? Fine, let's talk abo-"

Rayna bridged the gap between them threateningly, "-Keep my daughter out of this Beverley."

"You're the one who kept her from her father - from us - for thirteen years. You're the one who punished him. So don't you dare try to project your guilt onto me."

"Do you think I'm here out of guilt?" Rayna's eyes widened in shock. "I am here because I love that man more than I could ever say and the thought of losing him is killing me. I will do anything to save his life. Anything."

Her cold eyes pierced her with a solemn empty stare, "And I wish you luck with that."

"Beverley please," Rayna closed her hand around Beverley's wrist. "I've arranged everything already. You'll have a nice house all to yourself, a car, a nurse on hand 24/7. You will be well taken care of, financially too I mean. For as long as you need."

"I don't want your money," she said failing to hide the disgust in her voice.

"I am begging you, please come back to Nashville with me." Rayna's teary eyes pleaded with hers.

"You said what you needed to say, you can leave now."

Rayna made the decision to go to Natchez on a sleepless late May night. It was time, she decided. She put on some clothes, grabbed her keys, scribbled down a note for Deacon and the girls and left before dawn. She knew Deacon would probably have her head once he found out about what she'd done, but if she got lucky he wouldn't have the time to get mad at her because he would be already getting ready for surgery by the time she got back home. She'd alerted both Scarlett and Dr. Rand, neither of them seemed to think this was a good idea, but she couldn't have cared less. She would have gone to the ends of the Earth to save her man, Natchez wasn't nearly as far.  
Now she listened as Deacon paced back and forth around the room, filling her in on the apparently ghastly day he'd had.

"I didn't even know he was coming over, like she didn't even ask me if it was okay with me or anything."

Rayna was intently looking at the floor as he went on and on, ranting about teenagers. "So, I go up to her room and the door is closed, shut, like you-can't-see-what's-going-on-inside kind of closed, you know? I could feel blood boiling in my veins – and so help me God – I knocked because, let's be real, I couldn't very well barge in, right? So, I kno-hey, are you listening to me?" He stopped, tilting his head to the side to take a better look at her.

She nodded absentmindedly, "Yeah sure."

"Okay. So where was I? Oh yes…so, I knock and no answer, radio silence. I knock again then and still nothing. 'That's it,' I think. I grab the door handle and just push the door open like 'fuck it, she's my daughter' and there he was, scrambling to tuck his shirt in his jeans, a few buttons missing…and I swear to God Ray I-" He cut his eyes towards her and found her staring at her hands in her lap this time.

"Seriously what's going on with you? Did you hear what I just said?" He asked walking towards her. "They were like getting it on Ray, our little girl and that Wheeler kid…like…like second base, you know?"

It was like her head was in a bubble that was muffling every sound. She could hear him talking, but her brain couldn't quite register what he was saying. It had been like that since she'd left Beverley's apartment, her head was spinning like a tumbleweed. She was his last hope, their last hope, and she'd blew it.

Deacon kneeled down in front of her and calmingly took her hands in his, "Ray?"

"I'll talk to Maddie."

"Something's not right with you, what is it?"

Rayna finally looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes, "I went to see Beverley today."

"What?"

"Before you get mad, I need you to listen to me-"

"-I cannot believe you did this," Deacon rocked back on his heels and got up.

"Deacon…"

"You went behind my back Rayna. You lied to me," he ducked his head resting his hands on his hips, disappointment dripping from his voice.

"What was I to do?" her arms flew in the air. "Wait some more by the phone hoping they'll find a liver for you, when we know there already is a perfect match for you out there?"

"She already said no Rayna!"

She pursed her lips, looking defeated, "I had to give it a try. I didn't have a choice."

"Yes you did, you could have stayed out of it," he said through gritted teeth.

"I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't at least try to make her change her mind," she reasoned, "I just had to do this."

"And what good did it do? She doesn't want to help me and I can't really blame her. I don't see why she should feel obliged to do this."

"Because she's your goddamn sister!" she snapped.

"I'm a drunk Rayna. I did this to myself and I won't hold anyone responsible for this but myself, alright?"

"So what? Am I supposed to wait for it to happen? Is that what you want me to do? You want me to say I'm sorry for going to Natchez and literally beg Beverley to save the life of the father of my child?" she looked exhausted, like she'd lived five years of life all in one day. "Well you got another thing coming cause I ain't letting you die on me and I sure as hell ain't sorry for trying to save you."

_So, if not for me, then_

_Do it for yourself_

"Deacon?" Daphne whispered softly as she hit pause on the YouTube video that was playing on her ipad, "Are you sleeping?"

"Uhm, no…" his eyelids groggily fluttered open. "No. You were saying?"

"Saying? I was just showing you-"

"-Daphne," Rayna put a hand on her shoulder, "Why don't you and your sister go make some chamomile tea for Deacon?"

Maddie climbed off the bed and extended her arm towards her sister nestled in between her parents, "Come on Daph, come help me."

Rayna moved closer to Deacon in bed and curled up to his side, "You seem a bit sleepy, want to take a nap?"

"Maybe," he mumbled lifting his head up to rest it on her shoulder.

"You're shivering babe, are you cold?"

"A little."

Deacon's condition had worsened. Dr. Rand decided to try new antibiotics, since the ones he'd previously prescribed him weren't working anymore, but they weren't of much help either. He'd lost another five pounds in the last week. He'd started experiencing pain in his right shoulder that forced him to spend most of his days in bed. His skin color had officially turned to yellow and his belly was visibly swollen. He'd joked to Daphne he could be in a Simpsons' episode. Nobody laughed at that joke. The girls seemed to be in a permanent state of despair, even her youngest had become uncharacteristically quiet. Maddie had been hit even harder, Rayna thought she'd run out of tears eventually, but it was just a continuous outpour. The house that was usually filled with the sound of music bouncing off from wall to wall, was nowadays completely silent, soundless. Rayna wondered if it would always be like this, if Deacon would take the music away from their world with him. She knew the answer, between him and music there was just no difference.  
They all knew it was coming, they could read the writing on the wall. Rayna and Scarlett had secretly started talking about funeral arrangements, they weren't picking out coffins or flowers or anything, but there had been talks on the subject. Juliette, Avery and baby Chloe had started paying visits almost every other day and Scarlett decided to move into Rayna's old bedroom for the time being. Tandy and Bucky had taken over Highway 65 for her and together had provided an incredible support system for her and the girls. Many friends and former band members had come by the house to see him, the news of his illness had travelled fast once their engagement was announced and paparazzi started chasing them everywhere, hospitals included. Some of them even offered to donate, but a match hadn't been found yet.  
He was surrounded by all the love in the world and Rayna was hoping with all her heart that that would be sufficient to keep him alive long enough for them to find a new liver for him. Another dry run had taken place three days before. This time the disappointment had been twice as bad as the first time around. They knew his days were numbered now and that number was dangerously getting closer and closer to single digits.

Rayna brought one hand to his forehead to smooth his hair back, "Maybe we should call your doctor, it looks like you have a fever."

"No need."

She reached across him for his phone on the bedside table, "It'll be a minute, let me just-"

"Ray," Deacon wrapped his hand around her wrist and stopped her. "It's okay, baby. It's starting. They told us how it would happen, right?"

"Yes, but-"

He brought her hand to his mouth and started peppering her palm with feather light kisses, "It's fine, I'm fine."

Rayna looked up to the ceiling and tried to steady her breathing, as tears threatened to leave her eyes. Deacon kissed the inside of her hand one more time and then lifted his arm up, inviting her to snuggle into him. She wrapped one hand around his neck and locked one leg with his, relishing in the warmth of his body. Nuzzling his neck with her nose, she basked in that delicious scent she liked so much. The love she felt for that man in that exact moment was so strong she felt like it was choking her. Unable to fight it any longer, she finally burst into tears, shaking uncontrollably in his arms.

"I can't do this Deacon. I can't watch you die," she gasped convulsively a few moment later, as though all the oxygen in the room was gone.

"You can do this. You're the strongest woman I know. You need to be strong for the girls and you need to be strong for me too darling," he kissed her head, "God knows the thought of never holding you in my arms again is killing me faster than this goddamn cancer."

"I don't know how to live without you."

"You'll learn Ray," his voice cracked as the woman he loved desperately clung to him crying her eyes out.

"But I don't want to learn."

"And I hope you won't," he stifled a sob. "I selfishly pray to God that you'll miss me every single day with the same intensity, as if every day was the first day I'm gone."

A new stronger sob shook her chest, "My love."

"There'll be days when you won't remember I'm gone, there'll come a day when you'll get used to my absence. And that's okay." Deacon soothingly ran his fingers through her silky hair, letting teardrops fall. "You'll miss me a little less as the years will go by. And that's okay. You'll eventually forget the sound of my voice and the blue of my eyes. And that's okay. The day will come when you'll lay your head down on this pillow and will no longer be able to smell my scent. And that's okay."

Tilting her head towards his he locked eyes with her and took in a shaky breath, "You'll learn to live without me. And that is okay too darling."

"No, it's not," she brokenly said in a harsh whisper.

"Maybe it's not," his lips softly found hers and he closed his eyes at the soft touch, "But I want you to know it's okay by me."

_If not for me then_

_Do it for the world._

…**June 2015**

She finishes the song and the crowd goes completely silent for a moment before erupting into a long applause. Men and women of different ages are wiping away tears as the singer on stage struggles to keep her composure. A teardrop falls onto the piano and then another, the camera standing only a couple feet away from her face capturing the moment of weakness for everyone to see. It is heartbreaking, even for the few who've never heard of Deacon Claybourne and Rayna Jaymes and their love affair. She stands up as she is now joined on stage by her two daughters, Maddie and Daphne Conrad. The girls both hug their mother and step into the circle to plug in their instruments, a guitar for the oldest and an ukulele for the youngest.

"This next song is a very special song called _A Life That's Good_. Deacon wrote it for me the very first time we met. Has anyone ever written anything for me, you wonder? Well, he has, but his best - our best –" she quickly amends, "composition is standing right next to me on this stage tonight. Please welcome our daughter Maddie and her sister Daphne."

Another warm applause echoes in the room, for a moment a slight smile appears on the girls' faces. It fades away quickly, like they're not supposed to smile, like they're not allowed to. The youngest looks like a cat on a hot tin roof, as she positions her little shaky fingers on the strings. Her older sister puts a hand on her shoulder reassuringly and then addresses the audience.

"It is a great honor for us to be here. We know my dad is listening tonight, so you will excuse us if we're a bit nervous, we just want to make him proud."

"Yeah," the little blonde agrees speaking into the mic in front of her.

"We want to celebrate Deacon Claybourne's life tonight." Maddie bows her head for a second and then with a mile wide smile on her face carries on, "You see…my dad was given a second chance at his life that's good by my aunt Beverley and for that we are eternally grateful, for that we've got a reason to sing tonight."

"We love you Deacon."

"So so much."

"Everyone," Rayna Jaymes announces, "this…is _Our Life That's Good_."

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

**I got you, didn't I? Come on people, I could have never killed off Deacon. Who would ever do that? (I'm looking at you Nashville writers, I'm looking at you.)  
In all fairness this was initially written with Deacon's death in mind, but as time went on it became obvious that I couldn't do it. It hurt too much.**

**The lyrics to Deacon's song are not mine, just wanted to make that clear.**

**Also I have no idea what Juliette's baby name will be, so that wasn't a spoiler or anything, just a name I like.**

**Hope you've enjoyed the ride, I surely did. Be sure to share your thoughts with me in the box below, I love reading them. Until next time…**


End file.
